


i dare you

by empressfall



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Hurt Natasha Romanov, Hurt Steve Rogers, The world isn't black and white, clint and wanda and pietro are nat's family, kinda angsty but not too angsty, natasha's a former fbi agent, now she's a vigilante, some peggy and steve and nat drama referenced, steve and like everyone else are fbi agents, the fbi is investigating the vigilante, things are never easy for natasha and steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-17 09:49:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21052397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empressfall/pseuds/empressfall
Summary: “Why can’t we try again? Why can’t we have another chance together?”“Because I know that eventually, you’ll leave me again.”“Natasha—““You chose her over me time after time, so why should I keep playing the fool? You’ll leave me for her again soon enough. It happened before and I know it’ll happen again.”“You—”“I’m not gonna be your second choice, Steve. Not anymore. I won’t let you do that to me.”three years have passed since the last time steve and natasha saw each other. they hadn’t expected much to change during those years when they cross paths again, but they’ve both always been good at surprising each other.





	i dare you

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i haven't updated my fics and instead, i published another oneshot. i know i'm annoying but i swear, i really am working on my other fics. i'm just trying to juggle college and my personal life and this but i promise you, updates are coming!
> 
> anyways, thank you so much for clicking on my story. i appreciate your time and i'm so grateful that you're giving my writing a chance.
> 
> i hope you enjoy!

“Vodka on the rocks,” Natasha instructs Pietro as she all but collapses at the bar stool. The loud bass of the music from the other room has made her feel shaky and she wants a nice drink to wash it all away. 

Pietro raises a brow, looking up from his martini. “Do I look like a bartender to you?”

Natasha smiles and smacks her crimson-stained lips. “You’re standing behind the counter.”

“Purely circumstantial,” Pietro insists, “I wanted a martini but the bartender’s at the restroom and I have no patience so I came behind to make one.”

“You’re still standing there,” Natasha says, “so why not make me one?”

Pietro rolls his eyes, moving out of the space to join her on the stools. He holds his drink out towards her. “I’m not making you a drink, but you can have a sip of mine.”

Natasha looks at the liquid and her nose wrinkles. “I’ll decline. I’ll just wait.”

Pietro snorts in amusement. “Your loss.” He takes a small sip. “Party’s in full swing. I’m impressed.” He gestures towards the closed doors that separate them from everyone and everything else. “You created _all_ of this.”

Natasha’s smile grows wider and she turns to face him, letting the fabric of her forest green silk gown shift against her legs. It’s only August but the color perfectly matches an autumn mood. “_Thank you, thank you_.” She nudges him. “But I can’t take all of the credit. You and Wanda and Clint have been _lifesavers_ during this whole process.”

It’s the truth. Natasha couldn’t have set up this whole empire without the help from her friends. No matter how much she likes to pride herself in her capabilities, she knows that she couldn’t have done it alone. 

It’s easy to envision an organization dedicated to vigilante justice, but it requires a considerable effort to actually set it up from the ground up to what it has the most potential to become. It’s a mountain of work. 

“I’m _touched_,” Pietro cooes, setting his empty drink on the counter. “You—”

The door opens and Wanda pokes her head into the doorway, “What are you two doing here? The party’s out here.”

“Drinks,” Natasha replies simply with a shrug. She smirks at Pietro’s twin sister. 

Wanda raises a brow. “On the rocks?”

“_Literally_,” Natasha says, running a hand through her curly red locks. She stands up and ambles towards her. “But it’s back to business.”

She looks over her shoulder. “You coming, Pietro?”

Pietro gets up with a chortle. “Of course. I can’t allow Clint to be alone for too long.”

“Says the mentee,” Wanda jeers.

“Little sister,” Pietro says, giving her a knowing look.

Wanda rolls her eyes. 

Natasha uses both hands to pat each of them on the shoulder. “Settle down, children. We have a long night ahead of us.” 

She ushers them through the door and from the corner of her eye, she sees Rumlow nibbling on a chocolate-covered strawberry. Her lips curl into a sly smirk. “And there he is.”

“Where’s Clint?” Pietro asks, looking to his left.

“Too busy being distracted by Bobbi,” Wanda replies, cocking her head. “_Hm_. Interesting.”

“I saw that coming,” Natasha says, chuckling. “No problem, though. I can handle this one.” She sees Thor and Jane, the happy newly engaged couple, walking towards her, big smiles on their faces.

Jane’s practically beaming as she gushes, “This party is _amazing_, Nat. Everything’s so classy.” She looks around in awe. “You’ve got quite a knack for this type of stuff.”

Natasha responds, green eyes flashing, “Thank you, but everything I know is what Pepper taught me.” She has to keep mentioning old friends to keep up her appearance.

“_Ah_, Pepper,” Thor muses, “I still wonder how she deals with being married to Tony. He’s… _quite_ the person.”

“Oh, don’t forget about Rhodey,” Jane adds, “He’s _just_ as much married to Tony as Pepper.”

Thor and Pietro snort in amusement. Wanda lets out a giggle. Natasha just smiles. 

Those are all familiar names to her, but they’re nothing but old memories. People that used to be in her life. People that used to mean something to her. 

“Ah,” Thor says, “I miss the old New York gang. I can’t wait to get back to Manhattan.” He and Jane work in New York but have been working temporarily in Los Angeles for the past few months. They’re set to return to the East Coast by the end of the year. 

“I can’t imagine you in that concrete jungle, Thor,” Wanda says, “You seem to fit in well with the West Coast lifestyle. Surfboard and everything.”

Thor shrugs. “It’s definitely nice, but home is where New York is.”

Jane nods in agreement. “I like the lowkey, laid-back vibe of this city, but the fast-paced, New York minute lifestyle suits me better.”

“I’d imagine that the life of an FBI agent would be exciting in any big city,” Pietro speaks up, “especially Los Angeles because of how sprawled the land is.”

“It _is_,” Thor says, assuringly, “but there’s something about New York that makes the job better.”

Wanda teases him, “You just miss the late, _late_ bar scene.”

“I will neither confirm nor deny,” Thor says, earning a playful punch to the bicep from Jane. 

“He’s right, though,” Natasha says, “As much as I adore LA, it’s never gonna be New York. My time working in New York was more thrilling than LA. I do miss New York.” She would never return, though, not after what happened.

“Fury could really use your talents again,” Jane says, encouragingly, “We all miss you back in New York.”

“I’m retired, Jane,” Natasha says, shaking her head. “My days in the FBI are long over.”

She’ll admit that she does miss Director Fury, probably the best leader the FBI has ever had, but it’s not enough to compel her to return. 

And she intends to keep it that way. She has no interest in ever returning to that damned agency. She especially has no interest in working with the people that she used to work with.

“Retired at thirty years old and you’re thirty-three years old now,” Thor quips, “You’re contradicting the typical millennial.”

“_Hey_, I work,” Natasha says, pretending to be offended. “Nonprofit work.” 

At least, that’s the cover she has. Thor may be a skilled FBI field agent and Jane may be an intelligent FBI analyst, but back in the day, Natasha had been the better agent and because of that, they haven’t seen past her cover. They don’t know about the real work that she does with Clint, Pietro, and Wanda.

“_Still_,” Jane says, “We really do miss you at the FBI.”

Natasha shrugs. “It was never meant to last.” She had never expected her stint at the FBI to as soon as it did, but many things changed three years ago. 

“Well, we don’t discriminate by age,” Thor says, “Maybe someday.”

Natasha chuckles. “That’s wishful thinking, Thor.” She sneaks a glance at Rumlow and is about to make up an excuse to head towards his direction when Clint appears in front of them.

“Hey, Nat,” Clint says, tapping her on the shoulder, “There’s someone at the doors insisting on seeing you. I think you should go and check it out.”

Natasha raises a brow. “You can’t deter him yourself?” She’s about to crack a joke when she notices the serious expression on his face.

“Not him.”

She frowns at him, but before she can ask him to clarify, Thor’s eyes widen. “_Steve?_ What the hell are you doing here, mate?”

The mask of confusion drops from Natasha’s face. Wanda and Pietro stop bickering as they turn to face the direction where Thor is heading.

Natasha forces a smile on her face but refuses to glance towards the scene. She remains impassive as she hears the familiar voice of a man she once knew. “For work,” he says and she has to brace herself as she hears footsteps coming towards her.

Steve is dressed in a crisp three-piece suit and he’s still so handsome that it doesn’t feel real to see him in front of her. His blue eyes still shine like the ocean on a hot summer day and when she meets his gaze, her face hardens. 

“Hello, Natasha,” he says, kindly.

Wanda, Pietro, Thor, Jane, and Clint watch the scene in front of them carefully. They know the history between Steve and Natasha. They know how things ended between them. 

“You know,” Natasha drawls, crossing her arms, “I didn’t think I’d ever have to see my ex-fiance again.” She cocks her head. “Welcome back to Los Angeles, Steve.”

* * *

Natasha hasn’t seen Steve in three years, but she can envision their last interaction so well that it stings every time she remembers. No matter what she does, she can’t block out that memory of Steve leaving her for New York.

She doesn’t think that she’s still hung up over what happened between them. She believes that she’s moved on, but that doesn’t change the fact that he did hurt her. Seeing him again is reminding her of that.

She keeps her gaze locked on Steve and she has to admit that he looks good. He’s grown out his facial hair and it definitely suits him. 

“Thank you,” Steve says. “It’s good to be back.” If he feels awkward at all about their past, he’s doing a good job of not showing it.

Jane quickly takes the time to introduce Clint, Wanda, and Pietro to him. Steve greets them politely. He doesn’t even know that the three are well aware of who he is. 

Natasha crosses her arms. “I didn’t know you were coming back. Or coming _here_, either.” 

Steve replies, “Work. There’s a case that Fury wants me to check out.”

“Yeah, I’m offended,” Thor pipes up, “The Los Angeles field office is in good hands. _My_ hands, thank you very much.”

“It’s a growing case file,” Steve says, nudging him. “You know Fury thinks you’re gifted. He just wants more hands on deck. More hands he trusts.”

A chill runs down Natasha’s spine as her suspicions grow. From the corner of her eye, she sees Rumlow heading towards the bars and resists the urge to groan. She supposes she’ll have to deal with him another time. 

“Which case?” Jane raises a brow.

Steve hesitates, his gaze shifting towards Wanda, Pietro, and Clint.

“We’re not gonna snitch,” Clint insists. “Besides, we’ve probably heard about it if the FBI is getting involved.”

Wanda and Pietro nod in agreement.

Steve sighs. “The murders and burglaries. The numbers are growing.”

Thor asks, “Are you referring to the vigilante? The Black Widow?” The vigilante is the only person on the late-night news in Los Angeles.

Natasha doesn’t even blink, but inside her head, she’s cursing a storm. She doesn’t have to look at them to know that Clint, Wanda, and Pietro are reacting similarly to her. 

Steve nods. “It caught Fury’s eye back in D.C. and now he wants the New York field office to look into it. In a week or two, he’s sending more of us out here to help out.”

Natasha inwardly curses. She feels the urge to punch something right now. 

“And why weren’t we made aware of this?” Jane asks, a confused expression on her face. 

“Last minute decision,” Steve answers. “I was briefed an hour before I was taken to JFK to catch a flight to LAX.”

He turns to Natasha. “Can I speak to you alone for a moment?”

Natasha cocks her head, a frown forming on her face. Thor, Jane, Clint, Wanda, and Pietro all look confused.

Steve adds, “It’ll only be a moment.”

“Come with me.” Natasha grabs his wrist and tugs him along behind her, resisting the urge to mutter obscenities under her breath. She moves them to one of the empty rooms nearby.

She lets go of his hand and steps away from him. “What is it?”

“Fury wanted me to pass a message along to you,” Steve says, as he adjusts the cuff of his jacket. 

“What kind of message does he have that you can’t say in front of everyone else?” Natasha focuses on a random spot on the wall, refusing to meet his glance now that they’re alone. 

She can smell the familiar scent of him and it brings back a barrage of emotions that she has zero interest or time in dealing with. She doesn’t need reminders of the love they shared during their one-and-off five-year relationship. She doesn’t need to remember the feel of his soft lips, his skin, his hair… she doesn’t want to remember what it felt like to look into his beautiful blue eyes years ago. She has no interest in remembering that he was once her boyfriend and her fiance before he left her for Peggy.

There are more imminent matters, such as shooting Rumlow dead, that she needs to focus on. Unfortunately, Steve’s return is posing as an obstacle for her. 

“Those vigilante murders and burglaries… the LAPD and the Los Angeles field office are struggling to get anywhere with the case,” Steve says, “Fury knows that you’re happily retired, but he really wants you to work on this case with all of us.”

Natasha squints. “Excuse me? You wanted to talk to me alone just to tell me _that?_ Also, regarding the case, am I even legally allowed to consult? What’s going on in Fury’s head?”

“Anything Fury wants, he gets,” Steve reminds her, “so you’re definitely good to work on the case. I also think it'd be good for you to consult. You've always been an amazing agent and I'd always bet on you. As for your other question, the answer’s more personal.”

“_Do_ elaborate.” She’s losing patience.

“I came back for you,” he confesses. 

It sounds as heartbreaking as when Steve had broken up with her the first time for Peggy. It’s as heartbreaking as when Steve rebounded with Peggy when she had initiated their second breakup. It’s almost as heartbreaking as when Steve had told her three years ago that he wasn’t in love with her anymore. When he had told her that he was choosing Peggy and that he wanted to end their relationship and engagement because of that.

Natasha doesn’t say anything for a minute as she turns to face him. Her fingers brush against the wall as the words sink in. She swallows her breath, having no intention to let her emotions get the best of her. “I don’t think Peggy would want to hear that.”

“Peggy wouldn’t care,” Steve says simply.

Natasha raises a brow. “You two broke up?” Considering the fact that Steve had ended their engagement for Peggy, Natasha would’ve been inclined to believe that he and Peggy were the real deal.

Steve nods awkwardly. “Yeah, about three months ago. It just… it just didn’t work out.”

Natasha purses her lips, taking a good look at the kicked puppy expression on his face. She shakes her head. “No.”

“No?” Steve frowns.

“_No_,” Natasha repeats. “You don’t get to do that anymore. You’ve done it before and I don't want you to do it again.” She pauses, “I’ll work the case. I owe Fury after abruptly resigning from the Bureau. _That_, I’ll do, but as for you, you left me for Peggy. You _always_ go back to Peggy. I waited for you in the past but not anymore.”

This is a part of her past that she never likes to think about but the compressed feelings of hurt and anger are slowly creeping up in her head. 

Steve sighs. “_Natasha_.” He says her name as if he’s scolding a child. 

Natasha remains unfazed. “We tried three times. Three strikes and we’re out. We thought we were gonna get married. That didn’t happen.” She doesn’t want to appear too emotional in front of him. She refuses to give him that advantage. 

“I’m still in love with you,” he tries, softly, “and given the time we spent apart, I thought that maybe we could give it another try. We’ve both grown up.”

Natasha scoffs. “_Yeah_, I’ve grown up. I’ve grown up and realized that I don’t want you anymore.” His words tug at her heartstrings because she knows that a part of her is still in love with him, but she’s not going to let herself get lost in her emotions. 

Steve looks dejected for a brief second and she barely misses it, but she’s always quick to catch something. Instantaneously, he still maintains a good posture and a neutral expression on his face. “I’ll leave you to believe that, but we’re still going to work together. Fury wants this vigilante in FBI custody as soon as possible.”

Natasha responds, “Okay.” 

He looks at her as if studying the hard gaze she wears and turns towards the door. “It’s good to see you, Natasha.”

Natasha only hums in response.

* * *

“So, what the _hell_ are we going to do?” Clint asks Natasha the very second she slips into his apartment the next morning.

Wanda’s picking at a stack of mini pancakes and Pietro is occupying himself with cold brew.

Natasha grabs a strip of bacon from Clint’s plate and takes a bite, pausing to chew, before responding, “Carry on as usual.”

Pietro frowns. “Is that really the right move to make?”

Natasha swallows the hunk of bacon. “Well, of course. If we change anything, Steve will probably notice and it’ll be suspicious to him.” She gives Pietro a knowing look. “I was an FBI agent before, Pietro. I know how they think.”

“_Still_,” Wanda says, “If the FBI is sending more agents here, it’s gonna be riskier to go after Rumlow.”

“I was the best agent that agency has ever seen,” Natasha says, confidently. “I can handle a few more wandering eyes.”

Clint nudges her shoulder. “Don’t be arrogant.”

“I’m not.” Natasha narrows her eyes at him. “The whole Bureau was in shock when I resigned from the agency. I have a legacy there, you know.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Pietro says, “but considering that Steve is back and we know that he—”

She regrets telling them what Steve had said to her last night. She had known that this would cloud their judgment, but she had told them because they are family to her and she doesn’t keep secrets from her family. Especially when they had been the ones to support her during this endeavor. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Natasha interrupts him. “It’s been three years. He doesn’t have that same effect on me.”

Wanda doesn’t look like she particularly believes that. “You’re a passionate person. There’s nothing wrong with that. Passion is dedication. Passion makes you powerful, but of course, it can still be romantic.”

“Make your point, Wanda.” 

“Despite everything, a part of you still loves him. You were engaged to him once,” Wanda says, “and if you let your emotions take a toll on you, you’ll be thinking with your heart instead of your head and that can pose as an obstacle for us.”

Natasha glares at her. “My judgment is fine and it will remain fine. Sure, there might be a few dreaded butterflies in my stomach but I won’t let his presence ruin everything we’ve worked for.”

“We get that,” Clint says, “but we just want to make sure you understand. We care about you, Tasha, and we just want you to be at your best.”

“I will be,” Natasha says assuringly. “I’m the Black Widow. Even he can’t break me anymore.”

“_Good_,” Pietro says, “because we need to figure out what we’re going to do about Rumlow. Steve’s appearance at the party last night kind of ruined the initial idea.”

Natasha’s pissed about that. Steve doesn’t have many character flaws, but the one thing she’s always been annoyed with is his timing. 

“Rumlow’s not as much of a challenge as Pierce and von Strucker,” Wanda says, “They were high-profile people in Los Angeles. They attracted attention. Rumlow’s more lowkey.”

“But he’s _intelligent_,” Clint pipes up, “so we have to craft another plan together.”

“Rumlow doesn’t make too many public appearances,” Natasha says, “at least not so close together. I don’t think we can get him out in the open at another party, so maybe we have to go about this a different way.”

Pietro pauses and asks, “Is there any way we can just make it spontaneous?”

Clint’s nose wrinkles. “We could, but we would have to be very careful. Everyone in LA who bothers to watch the news knows about the Black Widow. He knows there’s someone coming.”

This is the work that Natasha does. This is the work that she’s been doing for the past three years. While Thor and Jane and everyone else have been under the impression that she works at a nonprofit firm with Clint, Pietro, and Wanda, she’s actually been running a vigilante operation with them. 

They work to take out anyone in Los Angeles that poses as a threat to the general welfare of the city. Their hit list has included corrupt businessmen, shady cops, and greedy people in power. They work towards freeing the city from the powers of greed and corruption and striving for vigilante justice.

Deep down, as a former FBI agent, Natasha knows that technically what they are doing is criminal, but she also knows that she’s working for the greater good. After leaving the FBI, she hadn’t known what she wanted to do. Everything that had been happening at the time had made her feel disillusioned towards the life she had been living. 

She and Steve had been sent to Los Angeles to temporarily work at the field office located there for six months, similar to what Thor and Jane are currently doing. They became engaged shortly after their temporary relocation to the West Coast.

The case that they had been working on had not been terribly difficult, at least in the beginning. When it first came to their attention, it had simply required Natasha and Steve’s expertise. Then, things took a worse turn and Fury sent another agent, Peggy, to Los Angeles to help them out.

Natasha probably should’ve known the very _second_ that Fury announced he was sending Peggy that that would have a major effect on them. She should’ve suspected that her arrival would cause some problems given the past.

The case had closed but it had been messier than they had wanted. Natasha still remembers all the stress that came from that case because of how gruesome the crimes were. She remembers the added stress that came from Peggy’s presence. As if the case hadn’t affected her enough, her worst fears came true and Steve had decided that he wanted to give it another try with Peggy. Right when they were set to return to New York, Steve had explained everything to her and broke off their engagement, ending their relationship.

All of that had made Natasha realize that she didn’t even want to return to New York and carry on with life as normal. She didn’t want to work for the FBI anymore. She didn’t want to go back to New York. She didn’t want to see Steve and Peggy.

So, to everyone’s surprise, she resigned from the FBI and stayed in Los Angeles. Everyone back in New York had been shocked and many of them had contacted her, inquiring about her decision, but she had assured all of them that she knew what she was doing.

Even though she had been so angry at Steve, the last thing she wanted was extra drama so she made their breakup sound as mutual as possible.

Eventually, work had caught up to them so they stopped asking questions. Natasha still does keep in touch with them, but she never talks to Steve or about him. She doesn’t want to waste her time or energy thinking about him. It distracts her from her work.

During her first two months permanently living in Los Angeles, Natasha actually did work at a nonprofit and as much as she enjoyed her work, a part of her had still missed the action of working in the FBI. She had zero interest in working in law enforcement, though, because she isn’t a fan of following orders.

She hadn’t really known what to do about that until she met Clint, Wanda, and Pietro at a bar on a cool October night. Their presence had stood out to her because they seemed to have been watching a well-dressed man in one of the hidden booths.

Curiosity had gotten the best of her so she introduced herself to them and had been able to get them to talk. She had learned that the man they were watching was a powerful realtor who specialized in scamming less-privileged people in the city.

Believing in their cause, Natasha had joined them in their mission to screw him over the way he screwed her new friends over. By the time November rolled around, they were starting their vigilante justice operation. It’s definitely escalated since their first operation, but Natasha knows that sometimes fighting peacefully can only do so much until dire action becomes most necessary.

It’s been three years and it’s still running as strong as ever. She is the Black Widow and her name invokes fear around the City of Angels. 

She wonders what Steve would do if he found out that she’s the person he’s being ordered to hunt down. She wonders how that would affect him. She knows she shouldn’t care though because the Black Widow has a reputation to uphold.

* * *

He has her phone number. She doesn’t even question him when she answers his call. She assumes that he got it off of Thor or Jane. She knows that it’s him calling because she still remembers his number after all these years.

Natasha sits on her kitchen counter, drinking a glass of red wine. “What is it, Steve?”

“Nat, I—”

Natasha cringes. “Don’t call me that.”

Steve sighs on the other line. “Sorry. Natasha.” He pauses before continuing, “Thor and I have been going over the files for the Black Widow case and we were wondering if you were free to come down to the field office and help us put some data together.”

Honestly, she wants to say no. She would rather be spending her time trying to figure out how to stop Rumlow, a key figure in what Clint has discovered to be a domestic terrorism (or as the President liked to call it, mentally ill white men committing crimes that are bad but not bad enough to warrant any actual action) ring in southern Los Angeles. 

She knows that she has to say yes, though. She needs to know what the FBI has on her so that she can act accordingly.

She tries not to grovel on her way to Brentwood and when she arrives at the familiar building that she hasn’t stepped foot in for three years, her stomach churns.

“Welcome back, Natasha,” Sharon says via video call. Behind her, Natasha sees all the familiar faces of her former colleagues: Tony, Rhodey, Bucky, Sam, Bruce, Pepper, Maria, Peggy, and the man, himself, Fury. They all sit around a table, tablets, and coffees covering the top. 

“Feels good to be back,” Natasha says, forcing a smile onto her face. 

“Hope it feels good enough for you to return to the Bureau,” Coulson, the head of the Los Angeles field office, says as he takes a seat next to her at their table. Jane, Thor, and Steve sit on the other side.

Natasha chuckles. “Don’t get your hopes up, Coulson.”

They all engage in quick small talk, most of them checking up on Natasha before Fury changes the topic of discussion. “The Black Widow is the alias we assigned to the vigilante operating in Los Angeles County. From the very limited amount of intel we have on her, we _do_ know that it’s a her. Short blonde hair, eye color unknown. Caucasian. Around 5’4 to 5’8. Petite build. Black catsuit with an hourglass symbol on her belt. Those are the general details. Those don’t help us. There are others we have to look into.”

Wanda had come up with the idea of the hourglass on her catsuit. The Black Widow nickname had come from Clint’s comparison of what her skillset can do to a black widow spider. 

Sam speaks up, “She has these gauntlets on her wrist that, from the looks of it, are an electroshock weapon. It’s a type of technology that you can’t just get your hands on anywhere so whoever the Black Widow is, she has access to creating something like this. A lot of the weaponry she uses seems to do a lot with electricity.”

Pietro is the tech genius of the group. He had been the one to design these weapons for her.

“She’s intelligent,” Rhodey adds, “and physically capable of many things. It’s completely understandable why the local PD has struggled to find her.”

“So, how do we do it, then?” Natasha asks. She knows that she has to participate in the discussion.

“We look at her hit list,” Steve speaks up, “We have to build up a behavioral analysis to figure out who she’s going after. Her MO is always the same, so that’s not something that will help us now.”

“Does she kill every time?” Natasha asks. She knows all these answers.

Thor shakes his head. “No. Not everyone she does is murder. She also burglarizes. She does a lot of her own interrogation, but I would label it more as ‘torture’. She’s definitely not an amateur at something like this.”

Natasha raises a brow. “What else do we have on her?” It’s so easy like this. They’re all telling her everything she needs to know to prevent herself from making a mistake in the future. She tries not to smile.

“Not too much, unfortunately,” Tony responds, “We know that her list of victims, alive or not, have been people of high status. There’s definitely a type. We’ll have to delve deeper later. Besides that, we know that she has a team working for her. There seem to be at least two partners working with her, possibly a third, based on some of the records we have on her whereabouts before and after each crime.”

“The best bet we have are her whereabouts,” Peggy says and Natasha tries hard not to glare at the screen. “We can try to figure out where she operates from based on where she frequents.”

“_Still_, what we have is not informative enough,” Pepper says, “We need to build up the files. We need to find more information. There has to be more out there.”

“The Black Widow case file dates back to November, almost three years ago,” Bucky says, “and from there—”

Bucky’s interrupted by the sound of the door opening behind them. 

“Sousa, are you lost?” Maria asks, raising a brow.

Daniel shakes his head. “No. I just came by to inform Director Fury that Agent Danvers has returned from her undercover operation and is ready to give a briefing.”

Peggy looks over her shoulder and smiles at him. 

Natasha watches as Daniel smiles back at her. 

“That’s all I have. I’ll leave you guys alone,” Daniel says. He looks at the screen. “Natasha? Hey!”

Natasha greets him, politely. “Hello, Daniel.”

“I’d love to stick around and chat but I have work to do,” Daniel says. He faces Peggy. “I’ll pick you up at seven?”

Peggy’s smile grows wider as she nods.

Natasha raises a brow and looks over at Steve who currently seems tense at the interaction. She resists the urge to roll her eyes. Unbelievable. So, this is what all the nonsense is about.

* * *

“You’ve got to be _fucking_ kidding me,” Natasha says, pulling Steve aside during their lunch break. She shuts the door of his temporary office and scowls at him.

Steve’s face is a mask as he turns to face her. “What are you talking about?”

“Peggy and Daniel? _Really?_” She shakes her head in disbelief. “_Honestly_, Steve.”

“I’m gonna need you to clarify,” Steve says. 

“How long have Peggy and Daniel been together?” Natasha crosses her arms. 

Steve hesitates, the impassive expression gone from his face. “Since June.”

“June?” Natasha raises a brow. “And you two broke up in May?”

Steve doesn’t answer but the blank expression on his face tells her everything that she needs to know. 

Natasha lets out a chuckle. “You _really_ are something else, Steve.”

“It’s not like that,” Steve insists, “I know the timing makes it look bad, but I promise you that it’s not the way you think it is. It doesn’t matter to me that Peggy and Daniel are together.”

“Somehow, I find that hard to believe,” Natasha says.

Steve sighs. “I know. You have every right to not believe a word that comes out of my mouth, but I need you to understand that this isn’t me being a childish person. I genuinely want you back. I want—”

Natasha groans and turns away from him. “I really don’t want to hear it.” 

She knows that one of Steve’s most admirable traits is honesty, but she can’t bring herself to believe him when he’s saying all that. His actions in the past make her doubt him. She doesn’t push it, though, because she doesn’t want to get into an argument. She doesn’t have the energy for that. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say or do,” Steve says. “I want you to trust me. I want you to believe in me.”

“This isn’t about trust.” Natasha shakes her head. “I _do_ trust you. I’ve known you for ten years now. There was a time when I actually wanted to marry you.” She cocks her head. “Ten years,” she repeats, “That’s a long time.”

She leans on the desk. “Ten years ago, you and I were in Quantico training for the FBI. Ever since then, we’ve worked in the D.C. field office for a couple of years before we went to New York and were specifically paired together. We’ve been through a lot, so trust isn’t the problem here.”

“Then, what  _ is  _ the problem?”

“I know you, Steve,” Natasha says, “I know who you are and it’s not who I want. Not anymore. I can’t get back into that.” Part of it is a lie, but she has no problem lying. She knows how to lie. 

“It won’t be like last time.” He sounds determined, but she can tell by the look on his face that he’s not trying to be too expressive. 

Natasha shrugs. “Maybe not, but I can’t get into this. I can’t go back.”

Steve purses his lips. “I want you to think about it.”

Natasha has no interest in doing such a thing, but she knows that Steve will back off a little if she agrees to. So, she nods. “_Fine_.”

She excuses herself to return to the temporary office that Coulson has set up for her. 

Natasha leans back on her spinning leather chair as she lets her thoughts run amuck in her head. She’s annoyed at many things. She’s annoyed that her plans with Rumlow have fallen behind schedule. She’s mad that Steve is saying all this lovey-dovey shit to her. She’s annoyed that all of her old colleagues in New York are gonna come to New York. She’s especially annoyed that out of all people, they are the ones who are investigating the Black Widow. It’s the last thing she needs. 

Sometimes, she does miss the… supposedly easier-to-adapt life she had back in New York when she worked with the FBI. It had been a stressful job, but the problems that she’s currently dealing with are _really_ fucking with her now. 

She can recall so many good memories that she shares with her former colleagues dating back to their training in Quantico. She had met Steve (and a few other colleagues) on the first day of training and had developed a good friendship with him, but they hadn’t become close until after they started working in the D.C. office together.

It had taken them about a year and a half to finally start dating and less than a year into their relationship, they had been moved to New York. That’s where they had met everyone else and Peggy, too. On and off for five years before Natasha left.

There were many good memories during those five years, though. Natasha doesn’t want to remember. She doesn’t want anything to distract her from what really matters to her.

She sighs, crossing her arms. She honestly doesn’t imagine anything to end that well.

* * *

The next night, she’s adjusting the Widow’s Bite gauntlet on her wrists when Wanda walks in, scrolling through a tablet. 

“You ready?” Wanda asks, looking up from the tablet.

“Well, I don’t have to pretend to flirt with the bastard, so I’m really down to go straight into kicking his ass,” Natasha responds. “_Definitely_ ready.”

“Good,” Wanda says, “because I was afraid you might not be on your best today.”

Natasha raises a brow. “Meaning?”

“You already know.”

“Is this about Steve?” Natasha rolls her eyes.

“What’s this about Steve?” Pietro asks, entering the room with Clint. 

Natasha looks over her shoulder. “It’s nothing and I’d like for it to stay as nothing.” She smooths down the leather of her catsuit as she reaches for a pistol to strap to her thigh.

“You sure?” Clint furrows a brow, reaching for his bow and arrows.

“As ever,” Natasha replies, nonchalantly. “No need to worry about me.” She takes a swig of water and turns to Pietro. “Are we good for insertion?”

“Better than we are on extraction,” Pietro responds, settling into the sofa. “But we’re fine both ways.”

Natasha nods. “Good. We need to get going.” She turns to Wanda. “Hair?”

Wanda sets the tablet next to Pietro on the sofa and stands up, circling around Natasha. “The wig looks good. No red visible at all.”

“_Great_.” Natasha reaches for her black mask that is adorned with a red hourglass symbol. “Let’s go.”

Clint drives a bit recklessly, but Natasha likes it that way. She spends the drive from Newport Beach to the Santa Monica Mountains going over the intel they have over Rumlow.

“He’s one of the most physically skilled people that we’ve ever had to deal with. Skilled at just about anything physical in a fight. He’s so lowkey though that it makes him dangerous,” Natasha says.

“Especially because we don’t know how many people he’s working with,” Wanda adds. “We know he’s definitely not doing all of this alone, but it’s hard to tell how many people are involved.”

“We can handle it,” Clint says, assuringly. “As long as there aren’t too many, but then again—

“We got your back,” Pietro pipes up.

Although Wanda and Pietro work more behind the scenes, Natasha and Clint had been training them to improve their physical capabilities in a fight. 

“Good,” Natasha says, “because it’s time to go.”

Clint stops the vehicle and Wanda maneuvers into the driver’s seat as he and Natasha exit. 

As they’ve planned, they split up. Natasha creeps to the back where she can see the white walls of the warehouse where they suspect Rumlow’s base to be. Clint heads towards a higher elevation to get a better vantage point.

“I don’t like this,” Wanda says as she flips through the intel on the tablet.

“Why?” Pietro frowns.

“This is so _remote_,” she responds. “Anything and everything could happen and go wrong.” She taps on her tablet screen. “And the service is shit out here.”

Pietro waves his hand dismissively. “We’ve dealt with worse.”

Wanda shrugs. “I guess. It’s just that Rumlow is hard to crack.”

“We’ve gathered enough information,” Pietro says, assuringly. “We came up with a good plan and as long as Natasha and Clint execute it carefully, we’ll have it under control.”

Wanda nods. She knows that he’s right.

So they wait.

And wait.

They can hear Clint and Natasha perfectly fine over their communications system so they don’t worry. 

To pass the time, Wanda starts thinking out loud about what Rumlow and his cronies have done in the past and how much it horrifies her.

“_Holy shit_,” Pietro interrupts her later on.

“What?” Wanda looks over him.

“I’ve been looking through the security system and they have ballistic missiles there. If Natasha uses her gauntlets the wrong way or Clint hits any of them, we’re gonna have a major problem,” Pietro sounds frantic.

Wanda’s eyes widen. “_Fuck_.” She instantly taps on her comm. “You guys need to be careful. There are explosives in there and—”

“They’re hidden and sprawled. Make one wrong move and you’re blowing the whole building and yourselves up too,” Pietro adds.

Clint curses and Natasha groans. 

“Got it. Thanks,” Natasha mutters.

The comm is quiet for the next few minutes. All they hear is the sound of Natasha and Clint moving around until they hear scuffling. “_Black Widow?_ I thought you’d be coming around here eventually.”

Rumlow.

“_Fuck_,” Wanda and Pietro say at the same time. 

“Crossbones,” Natasha says without a single trace of fear in her voice.

There’s really no time for pleasantries and Pietro almost jumps at the loud sound of Natasha’s Widow’s Bites crackling against what he presumes to be Rumlow’s skin.

“I’ve always hated this part,” Wanda mutters as Pietro tries to access the hidden surveillance feed.

“I’m coming in,” Clint says, immediately after hearing Rumlow curse at the redhead.

The fight sounds like it’s going as well as you would want a fight to go but nothing horrifies Wanda and Pietro more than the sound of an explosion. They look outside the van’s window and their eyes widen as they see nothing but red.

“_Shit_,” Wanda yelps, grabbing a pistol as she jumps out of the car and starts running towards the site of the explosion.

Pietro’s hot on her tail with his own Glock in his hand as they reach the burning building.

Wanda coughs, waving her hand erratically as they slow down. 

Natasha has always hated this part. She has always hated when something goes wrong in a mission even if everything else had been successful. Pietro has to help her back into the van and Natasha pretty much collapses against the seat, feeling her muscles ache. “Fucking _hell_.”

“You’re lucky you were standing where you were,” Clint pants. “You would’ve been much worse.” He touches his forehead and then looks at the blood on his fingers. “_Fuck_.”

“Well, if I was blown up, I’d be dead and I would’ve barely felt the pain,” Natasha says with a groan. She unstraps her gauntlets carefully and gives them to Wanda.

Pietro starts the engine of the car and speeds away from the scene. 

Wanda begins to clean their wounds as they brief the twins on everything that happened. 

Natasha feels so sore and she hopes that she can get over it by tomorrow because she knows that she can’t let anyone in the FBI see her like this.

“You okay?” Clint asks, wincing as he adjusts his position in the backseat. 

“I’m fine,” Natasha mutters, using a washcloth to wipe the soot off of her face. 

Physically, she feels like shit and all she wants to do is take a hot shower and sleep, but she knows there’s more followup work to do to ensure that absolute no trace is left behind.

But all that matters to her at that moment is that they succeeded. Rumlow is _dead_.

* * *

She’s not surprised at all when Coulson calls her early the next morning and has the team come into the office. Rumlow’s death had been broadcasted over the news and the Black Widow has taken credit for it.

Before she goes to the office, she makes sure that none of her injuries are easy to see. To her luck, it’s easy to hide them since her face, neck, and hands were spared. However, her muscles still ache, but she supposes she could just say it’s exhaustion if anyone asks. 

“A warehouse in the Santa Monica Mountains blew up last night,” Coulson says, “The explosion destroyed a lot of the stuff inside, but we were able to gather the information that the building belonged to Brock Rumlow and his partners.”

He touches a tablet and pulls up a picture of Rumlow. “His alias is ‘Crossbones’ and he’s a domestic terrorist who’s been under the radar for a while now. Not much information on him but he’s been credited for at least half a dozen—”

Coulson is interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. “Excuse me,” he mutters, setting down his tablet to grab his phone from his pocket. “Director Fury?”

Natasha watches the subtle changes in Coulson’s facial expressions as he listens to Fury talk on the phone. 

Coulson’s face blanks out and he nods. “Okay, thank you, sir. I’ll brief the team.” He slips the phone back into his pocket and sighs. “Make that two dozen,” he says. “The Black Widow has sent Rumlow’s manifesto to the LA Times.”

Natasha stifles a smirk. She knows that she can always count on Wanda.

Thor raises a brow. “This Black Widow person interests me. Jane and her colleagues have put together a profile on her and her victims. It stands out how all of her victims seemed to have been involved in shady business or corrupt practices. None of the victims seemed to be innocent people.” He points to Rumlow’s photo on the screen. “And it seems like nothing has changed.”

“I find it interesting too,” Steve adds, “Nothing in her case files seem to point at her as being sadistic or evil. She’s a criminal doing criminal activity, yes, but in theory, she seems to be engaging in vigilante justice.”

“That’s not something we usually deal with,” Natasha says, flipping through the report that Jane had prepared for them. She has to admit that the information that they’ve put together about the Black Widow is actually well thought out and pretty accurate.

Coulson nods. “Exactly. That’s why we have to be careful about this.”

Thor asks, “If we find the Black Widow, what would happen to her?” He gestures towards the papers laying on the table. “All of this shows that she only goes after corrupt people who deserve karma.”

“It’s difficult to say,” Coulson says, “She definitely wouldn’t walk free, though. That’s all that’s certain.”

“In a situation like this,” Steve says, “it’s obviously gonna be a difficult decision to decide whether she deserves the worst punishment, but right now, we need to think about what we can get out of this.”

Natasha frowns. “What does that mean?” She knows that Steve is one of the best agents in the FBI so she also knows that she has to become aware of his way of thinking about this. 

Steve hesitates before elaborating, “_Clearly_, whoever Black Widow is, she knows all about the corrupt people in power in this city and she’s using this information to clean the streets. Maybe… if Fury gives us the okay for this, perhaps we could try to get as much information as we can out of her. I know she’s dangerous and I know she probably won’t submit to authoritative figures without a fight, but if we lure her into our grasp, we could take advantage of the information she has. Kill two birds with one stone.”

“And how would you intend to go about that?” Thor asks.

“Well, to find her, first, we would have to guess who’s she going to go after next,” Steve says, “We know she goes after people who deserve karma coming from them. I’m sure there are many people like that here. We have to find a way to narrow down a specific target. After we do that, careful interrogation will bring us where we need to be.”

Natasha looks at the determined expression on his face and she’s reminded of the cases that they had worked on together in the past. The confident tone of his voice is something she remembers hearing so many times years and years ago.

“Well, there’s a lot of things to look into and consider,” Coulson says. “Fury said that he’s sending the team earlier. They’re coming tomorrow.”

Natasha purses her lips. _Great_. Just what she needs.

They discuss strategy for twenty more minutes when the door behind Coulson opens and Jane peeks in. “_Hey_. The CSI team finished up in the mountains and they’re currently bringing everything into the lab.”

“Great,” Coulson says. “Did they get anything special?”

“Possible hair sample found mixed in the soot of the rubble,” Jane says, “We’re gonna run it through tests. Hopefully, we’ll be able to pull something.”

“Blonde?” Thor questions.

“An assortment,” Jane responds, “It’s possible we could either be able to identify Rumlow’s partners or the Black Widow’s partners.”

“Either would be great. Both would be fantastic,” Steve says. 

Jane nods. “We’re on it.” She turns in the other direction and retreats. 

Natasha swallows her breath. She really wants to smack herself on her forehead. 

“Good,” Coulson says, “Okay, that’s all for now. Let’s get to work.”

Natasha doesn’t think that she could’ve gotten up any faster, despite the fact that her back stings at the quick movement. She walks briskly to her office and shuts the door behind her.

Cursing under her breath, she dials Pietro’s number and before he can even say “Hello?”, she quietly asks, “Are you down to hack the FBI database?”

There’s a quick pause before Pietro responds, “Excuse me?” She knows that at the other end of the line, Pietro is probably frowning and it makes her want to scream.

“You heard me.” Natasha has no interest in waiting.

Pietro sighs. “What am I looking for?”

“DNA,” Natasha says, “CSI picked up on some stuff. We need it gone.”

“And how are we gonna make it not look suspicious?”

“That’s your level of expertise. Tech is all you.”

Pietro sighs again. “Got it.”

Natasha says, “Thanks, Pietro.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Natasha hangs up and she’s startled when there’s suddenly a knock at her door. She sets her phone down on the desk and opens the door.

Steve’s standing there, a cup of coffee in his hand.

“Steve?” Natasha raises a brow.

“Hey,” he says, casually, “What are you up to?”

“Nothing much,” Natasha says, “Just had a quick phone call with Pietro.”

Steve says, “Oh, nice.”

Natasha isn’t sure what’s happening. “_Uh_… did you need something?”

Steve shakes his head. “Nah, I just wanted to make some conversation because… _you know_.”

“_Ah_.” Of course. She wonders how long it’ll take for her to get Steve to back off.

Now that Rumlow is out of the way, she would usually be focusing on who’s next, but with the whole fucking FBI squad in New York coming to LA, she can’t really think about that either. That means the only thing she can truly think about is Steve and she would rather not.

Standing so close to him now is already pissing her off because she can’t look at him without thinking about their past. His presence is triggering all those shelved memories and she just finds all of this to be an inconvenience.

“You okay, Nat? You look kinda overwhelmed.” Steve snaps her out of her thoughts. 

Natasha nods. “I’m fine. I just… being thrust back into the Bureau is a lot to take in at once after all this time.” It’s technically not a lie. _Yeah_, she’s sore, but she still is overwhelmed.

“You sure?” Steve raises a brow.

“Positive,” Natasha says with a smile. “Don’t worry about me, Steve.”

Steve returns the smile and Natasha feels her chest tighten. “I’ll always worry about you, Natasha. Worrying is one of the things I do best. You know that.” He looks sincere and it makes Natasha’s stomach churn. He’s always had that self-righteous look that gets her every time. 

“That I do,” she says, tilting her head.

Steve chuckles and wanders away.

Natasha may have been away from the FBI for three years, but she still has the skill set that made her known as one of the best agents they have ever had. Even Steve couldn’t see past her.

* * *

“We need to make sure we wiped every trace,” Natasha says as she paces around. “That hair DNA was a close call.”

“What exactly are you proposing that we do?” Clint asks.

Natasha stops where she’s standing. “I looked through every detail on the file about the warehouse explosion. They confirmed that there’s another person working with the Black Widow who actually physically helps with the muscle work.” 

She taps her foot, repeatedly, against the hardwood flooring. “That doesn’t matter though. There’s a more imminent matter to deal with. According to the files, the tech unit was able to pull very limited, very shitty footage from the warehouse and they believe that someone made it out after the explosion. This person is on the run or they’ve died from their injuries. Either way, we have to find that person to ensure that all of our loose ends are tied.”

Pietro looks surprised. “Which one made it out?”

“They couldn’t ID the person,” Natasha responds, “but I think it’s Rollins.”

“Rollins?” Wanda looks perplexed. “_Really?_”

“I guess that makes sense,” Clint says with a nod. “He wasn’t there at the confrontation. I know he was there in the building because I spotted him when I was checking out the perimeter, but I never saw him inside.”

“I didn’t either,” Natasha says, “so it makes perfect sense.”

Pietro purses his lips before adding, “He was barely in the security footage. It’s completely plausible that he was far away enough from the explosion to be able to make it out.”

“So, what are we gonna do? We shouldn’t return to the site,” Wanda says.

“We have to figure out how we’re gonna track him down,” Natasha responds, “To be honest, I don’t think he’s dead. He’s definitely hiding out somewhere.”

“Where? It’s not like he has many allies left,” Clint says, “They all died in the explosion.”

Natasha ponders a response. “We found Rumlow through word of mouth in Inglewood. Most likely, we won’t be lucky with Rollins.”

Deep down, she knows that there’s really only one convenient option, but she really doesn’t want to utilize it.

She takes a deep breath. “But I think I have an idea.”

“Elaborate,” Pietro says.

“_Well_,” Natasha says, slowly beginning to pace around again, “I think I require a favor from a friend.”

“A friend?” Wanda crosses her arms. “An ex-fiance?”

Natasha narrows her eyes at her. “Don’t make it sound scandalous.” She knows that it doesn't sound smart, but she's not going to admit that.

“It’s just interesting,” Wanda says. “You’re really going to ask him for help? What if he gets suspicious?”

“It’s the only option we have,” Natasha says, “I don’t work for the Bureau anymore so I don’t have any security clearance anymore. Even though I’m consulting on this case, it’s only temporary and the regulations will only me to access so much.”

She stops in front of the window, looking out at the mediocre view of eastern Los Angeles. “And Steve is the person to go to because he’ll be less likely to ask questions.”

Clint furrows a brow. “Didn’t you say that he’s one of the best agents in the field?”

“Yes,” Natasha answers, “but he happens to  _ miss  _ me. He’s under the impression that he’s in love with me. As annoying as that is, I can use that to my advantage.”

She knows that makes her sound like an awful person, but there’s a lot at stake and there’s no way she’s gonna let it all crash and burn.

“Under the impression?” Pietro frowns. “Why are you so adamant that he’s just being foolish?”

Natasha shoots him a glare. “Pietro.” She points a finger at him. “You’ve only met him once. You don’t know him like I do.”

Pietro shrugs. “He seems like an honest man.”

Natasha resists the urge to groan. Steve’s always been honest in the past. It’s just this time that she wishes he wasn’t. “_Listen_, that’s not the point. Right now, we just have to take advantage of his feelings or whatever.”

“I just hope you’re 100% on board with what you’re saying,” Wanda says. “I know you don’t like relishing in your feelings and the past, but with all of your friends coming back and Steve being here, saying all this stuff to you, I just want you to be sure that you’re okay with everything that you’re doing.”

“I’m not going to pretend that it doesn’t suck having to lie to my friends,” Natasha says. “It doesn’t make me feel good, but we have to do it. I believe in a greater good and I refuse to let the people of Los Angeles down.”

Wanda raises a brow. “How will you handle Steve?”

“You three don’t need to worry about him,” she says. “I can take care of it.”

None of them look like they particularly believe her, but she can’t bring herself to care.

* * *

Natasha calls Steve the next day and tells him that she wants to talk to him. By the tone of his voice, he’s definitely surprised that she’s initiating contact so he doesn’t even hesitate to invite her over to his hotel room. 

“Hey,” Steve greets her, moving aside to let her into his suite.

“_Hey_.” Natasha looks around and takes a good look around. “Nice set-up.”

He scratches the back of his neck. “Yeah, Fury doesn’t know how long I’m gonna be here for so he took pity on me and decided that I shouldn’t stay in some cheap motel.”

Natasha chuckles. She does miss Fury. “Of course.”

Steve seems to feel a bit awkward. “Can I get you something to drink?”

Natasha shakes her head. “No, thank you.” She inhales. “But I do require a favor.”

“A favor?” Steve raises a brow. “What’s this about?”

“My friends, Wanda and Pietro, the twins, they’re having issues,” Natasha says, leaning against one of the pieces of furniture. “They don’t have citizenship and time’s starting to run out to resolve that issue.”

Steve raises a brow. “What? Are they here illegally?”

Lying is like second nature to her. She can slip into made-up stories so easily that she wonders if she should try to join the CIA if she ever gets bored enough.

“I shouldn’t say,” Natasha says, “but there’s a favor I need.”

“And you need my help? How?” Steve frowns.

“I need you to let me use your security clearance,” Natasha says. “I need access to some records.”

Steve purses his lips. “Why should I do that? This is technically illegal, you know, and it doesn’t help that you’re holding some details back.”

“That’s what friends do,” Natasha says, taking a step closer to him until there are only a couple centimeters between them. 

“Is _that_ what we are?” Steve asks, running a hand through his hair. “Forgive me, but I find that hard to believe.”

She feels good inside that he feels unnerved. It’s definitely nice to switch it up for once.

Natasha shrugs. “We were partners once. We trusted each other once. I told you I still trust you. Do you still trust me?”

She’s good at that. She knows how to appeal to his righteous side. Steve could never really do any wrong and she intends to exploit that to the best of her ability.

“You know I do,” Steve says, still looking uncertain, “but you know this could get both of us in a lot of trouble.”

“I was the best agent Fury has ever commanded,” Natasha says with a smirk, “even better than _you_.”

Steve rolls his eyes.

“No one will find out about this,” Natasha assures him. “I may be three years removed from the Bureau, but my skills haven’t diminished.”

Steve has his hands on his hips. “This really isn’t right, though.”

“Wanda and Pietro deserve to be here,” Natasha says, “Clint and I refuse to let them be hauled back to Sokovia. It’s not safe there. They’ve worked so hard at the nonprofit to be forced away.”

She’s trying to appeal to his emotions. She knows that Steve values hard work and effort and because of that, she believes that she can get him to listen.

“The nonprofit won’t help?” Steve asks.

Natasha shakes her head.

“You’re not going to tell me anything more, are you?”

“It’s their privacy,” Natasha says. “You don’t have to help me if you don’t want to. I completely understand. I just went to you first because I thought you would understand the most.”

She’s playing dirty, but at this point, she doesn’t care. Rollins could be anywhere and she needs to know where.

Steve doesn’t say anything.

Natasha sighs and crosses her arms. “Name your price.” She had known that this would be a possibility so she just goes along with it. All she really wants to do is throw a tantrum, but she knows she’s better than that, so she keeps the friendly expression on her face.

As long as he doesn’t do anything outlandish like propose again, Natasha supposes she’ll live. 

Steve perks up a little and she watches as he thinks carefully. “Tony and everyone else will be arriving at LAX in a couple of hours. They’ve decided to stake out a club that Rumlow apparently frequented in Hollywood, but they’re really going more for the party than for intel. Come with me.”

Natasha frowns. “What?” Out of all things, that’s the last thing she had expected. She would have guessed that he would’ve tried to get her to go on a date with him or something.

“I don’t particularly trust Tony and Sam and Bucky and Sharon and well, I guess all of them, when it comes to nightclubs. You know how I like my pace. Come with me so that I don’t get caught in the middle of Tony and Pepper dancing,” Steve says. “I’d rather dance with _you_.”

Natasha’s taken aback. “You hate dancing. _Every_ type of dancing.” She remembers that damn well. During their time together with him as her friend, then-boyfriend, and then-fiance, she remembers that Steve’s hatred for dancing never went away. 

“That’s true,” Steve says, rubbing his lips together. “But I remember you loving it.”

Natasha cocks her head and almost smiles. “I still do.”

Steve looks pleased. “Then, what do you say? Will you come with me? For old times sake?”

Natasha supposes that she should at least keep up a charade to ensure that there won’t be any issues. “Yes.”

“_Great_,” Steve says, “I’ll give you access, then.”

All things considered, one of the best things about Steve is that he never says no to her. She loves that she still has some power over him. 

This time, Natasha lets the smile come through. “_Perfect_.”

“_Perfect_,” Steve echoes her. He hesitates, but then asks, “Have you ever thought about coming back to New York? I know you like it here and I know you have great friends here, but New York is your home.”

Of course. Steve never knows when he should just keep his mouth shut. Natasha doesn’t want to do this with him right now. She knows what he’s trying to hint at and it makes her chest tighten. 

“That’d be a big change,” Natasha says. “I don’t know if I could come back.”

“You belong in New York,” Steve tries, “Brooklyn, specifically.”

“Not anymore.” Natasha shakes her head.

“_Natasha_—”

Natasha interrupts him. “_No_. We are not doing this. You are not gonna try this with me. We are not talking about this.”

“You wanted to talk,” Steve says, impassively.

“On my own terms,” Natasha says. “I didn’t come here for a heart-to-heart.”

Steve sighs. “I just want to make this right. The least I can do for you is to try to make amends, Natasha. I don’t want us to go our separate ways without being civil.”

She knows that Steve has a valid point and she does agree with him, but this isn’t something she can get into now. She needs Rollins gone first. Maybe, then, she’ll let him be nice to her.

“I’m going to leave,” Natasha says, stepping back. “Maybe we can talk again later, but I’m not doing this now.”

“_Natasha_—”

“I’m not saying no,” Natasha says, “I’m saying not now.” She gives him a knowing look.

Steve stills for a moment but then nods. “_Okay_.”

“_Okay_.” Natasha doesn’t know what else to say.

“See you tonight. I’ll call you with the details.”

Natasha only nods before leaving him.

* * *

A few hours later, Natasha’s mindlessly sipping on a cup of coffee in the Bureau lounge when she sees Tony walking towards her. “Red!”

Natasha sets down her cup and stands up. “_Well, well, well_. It’s good to see you, Tony.”

Tony’s dressed in a presumably expensive suit and he’s holding a glass of whiskey in his hand. “You too, Natasha.”

She eyes the drink in his hand. “Isn’t it a little too early for that?”

“It’s the evening in New York right now,” Tony says, “I’ll blame it on the jet lag.” 

Natasha rolls her eyes as Tony snickers. “Where’s everyone else?”

“They’re coming in,” Tony responds, “Coulson was giving them a quick briefing.”

“You’re not getting it?” Natasha raises a brow.

Tony snorts in amusement. “Like I need Coulson to tell me what to do.” He looks over his shoulder as a bunch of familiar faces begins to pile in. “So, how have you been? I heard you’ve been living a different life in the West Cost.”

“I have been,” Natasha says, “but I  _ am  _ taking a couple of weeks off from that to help out here. Besides that, I’ve been pretty good. These three years have been good for personal growth and discovery.”

“Glad to hear it,” Tony says, “but I  _ have  _ been curious, though, about how much the casual LA lifestyle has affected you. Has it made you soft?”

“_Nope_. It never will,” Natasha says with a scoff, “I’m insulted that you think so little of me, Tony.”

Tony shrugs. “It’s been three years. I was curious.” 

Natasha opens her mouth to say something, but from the corner of her eye, she catches a glimpse of Peggy walking into the space with Daniel. She tenses.

Tony notices this. He looks over his shoulder and he inhales at the sight of Peggy.

Natasha crosses her arms.

“You know, you’re going to have to forgive him eventually,” Tony says, giving her a knowing look. He tilts his head in the direction of Steve, who’s currently speaking to Sam.

“What are you talking about?” Natasha’s just stalling.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Natasha’s about to respond, but the door opens and Bucky walks into the lounge, wearing a Henley that is far too small for him and makes him look abnormally large. “Bucky!”

“Natasha!” Bucky smiles at her. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too,” she says, genuinely.

“Way to interrupt a heart-to-heart, Barnes.” Tony pretends to look offended.

Bucky rolls his eyes. “I’m sure that’s exactly what it was.”

“No, it _really_ was,” Tony says, “because, y’know, Margaret and Danny boy.”

Bucky looks over his shoulder and takes a quick peek at Peggy and Daniel who are talking to Sharon, her cousin. “_Ah_.” He turns back to Natasha. “So, I’m assuming you heard that those two are dating now?”

“I have,” Natasha says, “Steve had hinted at it.”

“_Steve, Steve, Steve_,” Tony says with a snort. “How have you and him been?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business, Tony.” There really isn’t too much to tell, but she’s saying this in hopes that the topic of conversation will change.

Bucky shrugs. “He misses you, Natasha. He still loves you.”

Fucking _hell_. Natasha doesn’t want to talk about this with anybody. She shakes her head. “I don’t care.” Lies. 

“Peggy’s off with Daniel so, I mean, why not?” Tony waves his hands dramatically. “You’re in your thirties now. Might as well get on with it.”

She shoots him a glare. “I can still shoot perfectly, you know.”

Tony chortles.

Bucky smacks him. “What he means to say is that life is short so why not give it another try?”

They just don’t understand. Natasha couldn’t blame them for that, though, because she never let them know just how much her relationship with Steve had affected her over the years. They don’t know how truly painful this is.

“I know that the whole going for Peggy thing after you guys were engaged was a dick move, but he learned his lesson. He’s a better man, now,” Bucky continues.

“He finally got his proper closure with Peggy and all he wants is you. Granted, he’s late as hell and he certainly doesn’t deserve you, but the least you could do is forgive him,” Tony adds, “and maybe give him another chance.”

Natasha crosses her arms. “I don’t think either of you really understand. I _do_ forgive him. I forgave him a while ago.” She pauses and continues, “And I don’t doubt that he’s a better man. He was always a good man and I’m confident that he still is. His character traits aren’t turning me away from him.”

Bucky raises a brow. “Then, what is?”

Natasha sighs and looks past them to take a good look at Peggy. “I’m a different person than I was three years ago. A lot has changed in my life since I decided to stay in Los Angeles. I’m not going to jump back to Steve and New York just because it’s familiar. It’s not who I am anymore.”

Bucky and Tony look dejected, but they don’t press further. Instead, they talk about the case. She’s grateful that they understand. She doesn’t need any more conflict to deal with.

In all honesty, her life isn’t even that hard right now. Nothing is truly going wrong for her. It’s just Steve. It’s always Steve. He’s making her think about things that she doesn’t want to remember and he’s saying all this stuff that’s making her feel again. It surprises her how much of an effect he still has on her. She wishes it wasn’t like that.

But in the end, everything’s fine. Steve gives her access and Natasha’s able to fudge a few records to make her Wanda and Pietro story believable and then she figures out a way to get to Rollins. Things work out in her favor and Rollins is dead before the sun begins to set. He had been dying and Clint, never letting her down, had been the one to end it.

* * *

“You kind of look like a hooker.”

“_Pietro!_” Wanda exclaims, swatting him with her tablet. 

Pietro raises his hands, defensively. “_What?_ I was just saying.” He gestures towards Natasha. “I mean, I’m not trying to objectify her or anything, but that’s a lot of skin showing.”

He’s slumped on the sofa, eating pizza with Clint, who’s busy flipping through channels on the television with his one hand that isn’t bandaged. Rollins had put up a little struggle against him and sliced his hand.

Natasha rolls her eyes, adjusting the hem of her tight lace dress. “It’s August in Los Angeles, Pietro. Perhaps you would know that if you got out more.”

“I’ve been busy, Tasha.” Pietro snorts in amusement. “Doing your bidding and all.”

“_Fair_.”

Clint finally settles on a baseball game and looks at Natasha. “I can’t believe you’re actually doing this.”

Natasha shrugs. “I’m always down for a good party.”

“Well, don’t be an idiot,” Pietro says, “You and Steve and Peggy and alcohol at a party is probably not the best mix.”

“Don’t doubt me,” Natasha says, waving a hand dismissively. “I can handle myself.”

“You _better_,” Wanda says, handing her a pair of heels. “But have a blast, though.”

Natasha smiles. “Of course.”

The lights are flashing and the music is so loud that the floor feels like it’s vibrating. There’s not much room to breathe, but Natasha’s okay with that. She has a vodka cran in one hand as she waves the other in the air, swaying her hips to the beat.

Everyone else is hanging around the club. Some are dancing, some are drinking at the bar, others are conversing to the best of their abilities in the less crowded corners of the room.

Natasha’s dancing because she hasn’t let loose like this in a wild. A few yards away from her, Bucky and Sam are taking turns dancing with Sharon. She smiles at how wild Sam is. She’s forgotten how much fun he is at these parties. She makes a mental note to dance with him later.

The person that she actually should be dancing with is watching her from the bar. She had walked into the club with Steve and gotten a drink with him, but he told her to start without him and that he would catch up with her after finishing a drink. He doesn’t like multitasking, or so he claims.

Eventually, her glass is empty and she’s finding her way back to the bar. She stumbles over the tall heel of her shoe and she feels Steve’s strong arms reach out to steady her.

Natasha chuckles. “Thanks.”

Steve smiles. “Of course. You look like you’re having a blast.”

The bar is far enough away from the DJ that they can actually hear each other speak. 

“I _am_,” Natasha says, setting her glass on the counter. She doesn’t ask for another one. “But I was under the impression that I was supposed to be dancing with _you_.”

Steve chortles. “You’re right.” He holds his hand out to her. “You ready?”

Natasha takes his hand and lets him lead her onto the dance floor. He spins her around so that his chest is pressed against her back. His hands are on her hips and she lets one of her arms hang over his shoulders as they dance to the music.

It still surprises her every time Steve is actually letting loose like this. They sway to the music and she hears Steve whisper into her ear, “You smell good.”

Natasha actually giggles. She doesn’t know why but she supposes it’ll work. “Isn’t that supposed to be my line?”

“_Maybe_,” Steve says, cheekily, “but I don’t care.”

Natasha relaxes even more against his touch and even though she knows she shouldn’t be enjoying this, she is. She’s gonna let herself enjoy it, though, because she needs Steve on her side while they’re all in town. 

They don’t talk as the song reaches its end and when another song begins to play, Natasha says, “You know, I’m surprised you’re actually out on the floor with me. You hate dancing.”

“I do,” Steve says, huskily, “but I like dancing with you.”

Natasha rolls her eyes and turns around to face him. She has to look up to see his face properly. “I’ve forgotten how much taller you are than me.” He’s like a specimen. A God. 

“Even with those death traps on your feet.” Steve gestures towards her feet. “I still got a lot of inches on you.”

“_Hey!”_ Natasha pretends to pout. “They make me look hot.”

Steve laughs as he spins her around. “You’d look beautiful in anything.”

The words warm her heart and she feels like she’s been transported back to old times with Steve. This is all so familiar to her and she actually finds herself kind of missing old times.

She shouldn’t be, though, so when the next song ends, she drags Steve to the bar and they start to drink and dance and drink and dance and drink and dance. They perfect that routine. 

A few more drinks later, Natasha’s getting tipsier and tipsier and she pulls Steve onto the dancefloor. She ignores Bruce protesting because she interrupted their conversation.

Steve doesn’t protest and he gladly joins her on the dancefloor. They dance through a few songs and Natasha can feel the heat between them. It’s hot in the room and being this close to Steve is making her feel needy, but even under the influence, she knows not to give in to those feelings.

The next song is still fast-paced but slow enough that Natasha can murmur into her, “Is it true that you love me?” She’s not sure if it’s the alcohol or not, but she doesn’t feel awkward to ask him. 

She can feel Steve still. She knows that the question caught him off guard. She understands. After all, she’s just playing a game.

Steve nods against her skin. “Of course.”

From the corner of her eyes, she sees Peggy and Daniel dancing just a couple of feet away from them. Peggy catches Natasha’s eye and they share a glance that is neutral. Natasha had avoided Peggy back at the field office so they hadn’t actually interacted at all since the brunette’s arrival to Los Angeles.

Peggy’s lips curl into a smirk when she sees Steve dancing against Natasha. She grabs onto Daniel’s neck and pulls him into a kiss.

Natasha takes a quick peek at Steve and sees that he saw Peggy too. He looks tense and she decides to mess with him further. “_Truth or dare?_” She asks him, grinding against his body. 

“_Dare_.” Steve sounds confused, but he’s not one to back down from a challenge.

“I dare you to kiss me,” Natasha says, “with _everyone_ watching.” She smirks as she feels Steve stop behind her.

She turns around and tilts her head, letting her red hair fall behind her shoulders. “It’s truth or dare on the dancefloor, Steve.”

Natasha honestly isn’t quite sure what Steve will do or say, but she doesn’t worry about that. She knows she can blame it on the alcohol if things go awry.

But she lucks out because Steve presses his lips to hers and kisses her with so much fiery passion that she’s almost taken aback. He’s still a good kisser and Natasha’s drunk and has been grinding against him all night so she doesn’t hesitate to kiss him back. She reaches out for him and pulls him closer to him.

In her buzzed head, she still gets flashbacks to when she was dating Steve. To when she was engaged to him. It’s all so familiar and even though she knows in the back of her head that she should stop, she doesn’t want to. She’s hammered and she decides to at least revel in the fun of it before it wears out. 

That’s the thing about old lovers. Sometimes you just can’t forget the way they taste. Sometimes you just can’t forget how intimately you once knew them.

Eventually, they stop making out and when Natasha turns, she sees everybody looking at them in surprise. Peggy actually looks impressed. Natasha’s not sure why.

She looks up at Steve, whose lips are as swollen as hers. She has a smug expression on her face as she grabs Steve’s arm. “Wasn’t  _ that  _ fun?”

“_Natasha_—”

Natasha hushes him. “It was just fun. That’s all.” She gives him a knowing look. “You should know that.”

If Steve’s hurt, he doesn’t show it and she’s glad. Having too much to drink can make her a bit more sympathetic to people’s emotions and that’s the last thing she needs.

She holds her hand out towards Sam. “You want a turn, Wilson?”

Sam looks over at Steve, who just shrugs in response. “Sure,” he says, carefully, “but just the one. No kissing though.”

“Fair.”

She dances with Sam while Steve dances with Sharon and she can’t help but wonder what she would’ve asked if Steve has answered with “truth”. 

* * *

“Jesus _Christ_, Natasha,” Clint says, pinching his nose. “How much did you drink last night?” He stands in the doorway of the bathroom with Pietro behind him.

Wanda’s holding her hair as Natasha vomits the last of it out of her stomach.

She turns and glares at him, before taking a large gulp of water. “Fuck you, Clint.”

Pietro raises a brow. “I’m surprised you didn’t just go to Steve’s hotel with him. You seemed to have _quite_ a night last night.”

Natasha rolls her eyes. “I didn’t even drink _that_ much. It’s just that I haven’t had as much at once in a while.” She wipes her lips with the towel Wanda hands to her. 

“Besides all that,” Wanda says, “How was it?”

“As Steve expected, no one really did any work,” Natasha responds, “but no one seemed to be sketchy there so we just chilled.”

“Well, that’s because there was no one to look out for,” Pietro points out, “Rollins is dead.”

Natasha nods. “_True_. I’m sure the FBI will find him today and I’ll probably get a phone call soon.”

Body disposal isn’t something they do and they purposely leave the body so that the authorities can find it. Natasha suspects it’ll happen soon.

She ends up being right because forty-five minutes later, Thor calls her to let her know that they found Rollins’s body. She doesn’t feel like going to the office, though, so she tells Thor to send her the files or something.

She genuinely does feel like shit because of her hangover. Thor had been there last night so he understands. He tells her someone will drop by after their meeting to give her the files to look at.

To her relief, he has the decency to not mention her and Steve.

Natasha spends the next two hours being babied by Wanda, even though she hates being fussed over.

“Dude, I’m hungover,” Natasha says, shooing her away, “I’m not _dying_. You don’t need to hover over me.”

“I’m bored,” Wanda says with a shrug. 

It’s a quiet day. They’re not doing much. Contrary to what the FBI probably thinks, the Black Widow doesn’t spend every day of her life plotting revenge against her future victims. She doesn’t spend every day planning or committing a crime. She actually spends a lot of time doing anything but that.

“Why don’t you go to the nonprofit?” Natasha asks, flipping through TV channels. “Work or something.”

Wanda’s nose wrinkles. “Work?” She shakes her head. “I don’t feel like it.”

Natasha rolls her eyes. “Lazy.”

“Says _you_,” Wanda says, teasingly.

The front door opens and Pietro and Clint walk in, grocery bags in tow.

“_Jesus_,” Pietro groans, “The FBI was all over the Valley.” He snorts in amusement and looks over at Natasha, “The Black Widow’s web just attracts all of them.”

Natasha snickers. “I suppose.”

“What do you guys want for lunch?” Clint asks. He pauses to look at the time on the oven clock. “Or well, late lunch, I guess.”

Wanda suggests, “Tomato soup and—”

“_Oh_, your ex-fiance is here,” Pietro interrupts her. He’s washing his hands in the kitchen sink (something that Natasha has constantly told him to stop doing, but he doesn’t listen) and looking out the window. “That’s a pretty dope SUV. You used to drive those things, right?”

Natasha gets up from where she’s standing. “_Steve’s_ here?”

“Yeah, it looks like it,” Clint says, standing next to Pietro. “He’s dropping off those case files, right?”

Natasha nods. “I thought it was gonna be Thor… _well_, whatever.” She turns to Pietro. “Can you knock it off with the ex-fiance thing, you inconsiderate asshole?”

Pietro has an incredulous expression on his face. “This was the first time I’ve referred to him like that.”

“_Still_,” Natasha says.

“Okay, this is nice and all, you guys, but back to what I was saying,” Wanda speaks up, “I don’t think any of us are really in the mood for a heavy meal so how about tomato soup and—”

She’s interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing and curses.

Clint and Pietro snicker.

Natasha heads to the door and opens it, seeing Steve standing there dressed in his three-piece suit. He doesn’t look the slightest bit exhausted from last night and Natasha’s jealous of that. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Steve says. He’s not holding anything in his hands.

“Do you have the files?” Natasha raises a brow. 

“I do,” Steve says, “but actually, Fury wants us to check out the scene so…” He gestures towards his SUV that’s parked on the curve.

Natasha frowns. “Why? Didn’t you guys check it all out earlier?”

“We did,” Steve says, “but you  _ are  _ the best and photographs can only do so much justice to the actual scene.” He smirks.

Natasha rolls her eyes. “Tell Fury I’m flattered.” 

Steve looks behind her and Natasha turns around to see Clint, Wanda and Pietro awkwardly standing in the kitchen. “Duty calls. You guys can eat without me.”

“You sure?” Wanda crosses her arms.

“We can grab a quick bite on the way back from the scene,” Steve says.

Natasha shrugs. “Alright.”

“Damn shame,” Pietro says, “Well, have fun sleuthing around or whatever.”

“See ya,” Clint says, waving at her.

Steve raises a brow. “What happened to your hand?”

Natasha tenses for a second and looks over her shoulder.

Clint brushes his fingers against the palm of his hand and shrugs. “Accidentally sliced my hand open when I was making dinner.” He snorts. “I have to feed these three so it happens.” It’s a lie but Clint is almost as good as a liar as Natasha.

Steve chuckles, nudging Natasha. “And he’s _still_ cooking, regardless? Wow, Natasha.”

Natasha scoffs. 

“I’ll be fine,” Clint says, “As long as I don’t do any heavy work for a few days.” 

“You a cardio or weight type of guy?” Steve asks.

Natasha resists the urge to roll her eyes. Men and their annoying gym conversations.

“Combat, actually,” Clint says, “I wrestled in high school.”

“Pretty cool,” Steve notes.

“Okay, I’m bored now,” Natasha says, grabbing Steve’s cuffed wrist. “Let’s go.”

She barely misses it, but she catches a hint of something in Steve’s eyes. She doesn’t know what it is.

Steve leads her to the SUV and Natasha feels like cursing Clint out for speaking up.

“_Ah_, I missed the SUVs,” Natasha says, slipping into the passenger seat of the black vehicle. “It was always fun to drive one of these suckers around.”

Steve chuckles. “Maybe if I’m feeling good, I’ll let you drive it on the way back.”

Natasha’s green eyes glimmer. “I like the sound of that.”

They make it to the scene of the crime and Natasha tries to look as impassive as possible as she looks around her surroundings. 

“I’m not sure if anything really stands out,” Natasha says, after making her way around and interior. 

Steve hasn’t had much luck either, but then he pauses, “_Wait_. Look at this.” He points to a spot on the wall hidden by picture frames.

Natasha raises a brow. “I don’t recall anything being mentioned in the files about this.” She had taken the time of the car ride to read all of the files. Parts of it had been omitted and Steve had told her it was the unfinished parts. She’s glad she’s not prone to car sickness.

She steps towards the wall and takes a look at what he’s pointing to. “What _is_ that?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Steve says.

Natasha genuinely has no idea what’s on the wall and she wants to curse Clint in case he screwed up. “Well, we’ll have to get this to the lab.”

It’s a thick substance rubbed against the wall that is only millimeters away from a hole in the wall that was put there by a knife. Probably belonging to Rollins, Natasha deduces.

They linger around the space for ten more minutes before they start looking around outside the perimeter. While this is happening, Natasha’s heart is beating fast at the possibilities that can come from that thick substance. She’s not entirely sure what it is, but she knows that Clint likes to use stuff when he’s in a fight. She’s so gonna go grill him when she gets back and then she’s gonna figure out what the hell she’s going to do.

Eventually, Steve comes up to Natasha and points to the SUV. “We should get going. I think we did all that we can.” 

They didn’t really find much, but they found a few items of interest that CSI might want to comb through. 

“You hungry?” Steve asks as he turns on the engine.

“_Hell yeah_.”

So, he buys her a burger and they’re driving on the interstate when Steve speaks up, “I actually want to take a quick detour and take you somewhere. Real quick, I promise.”

Natasha pauses mid-chew and turns to look at him. She swallows her bite and raises a brow. “_Hm?_”

“It won’t take long,” Steve says, “I promise.”

Natasha doesn’t want to spend any more time with him than she has to, but since Steve had paid for her burger, she obliges. “Let’s go.”

She needs more time to think about what she’s gonna do, so she’s fine with stalling.

They remain silent during the car ride and Natasha takes the time to think about how she’s going to murder Clint for being an idiot. 

When she sees that they’re pulling up to Newport Beach, Natasha frowns. “Please don’t tell me we’re gonna go talk about our feelings as we look at the ocean. We’re far past the point of that kind of saving.”

She’s mostly joking, but Steve has been surprising her as of late so she’s not exactly sure. 

To her relief, Steve chuckles and shakes his head. “Don’t worry about that.”

“_Good_,” Natasha says as she reaches out to change the song that’s playing on the AUX.

She switches it from whatever slow song Steve’s playing to something a bit more upbeat and modern.

Steve raises a brow. “What do you have against Ella Fitzgerald?”

Natasha rolls her eyes. “Nothing. She’s one of the greatest singers of all time, but I’m in the mood for something a bit more 21st century.”

She looks over at him and smirks. “Three years apart and I’m still taken aback by your old-fashioned music taste.”

Steve shrugs as the car slowly rolls to a stop in the parking lot. He turns to meet her glance. “Maybe I prefer to live in the past.”

“That’s kind of sad,” Natasha says.

“Maybe it is,” Steve responds, “but the memories are great.” He averts his gaze back onto the road.

Natasha doesn’t know how to respond.

Steve turns the engine off and unbuckles his seatbelt. “Come on.”

Natasha follows and he lets her guide her to wherever the hell they’re going. They walk along the coast of Newport Beach and she’ll have to admit that it’s actually quite refreshing. 

“Do you remember the last time we were here?” Steve asks her after a few minutes of silence.

The breeze brushes against her skin and the salty smell of the ocean fill the air. “Honestly,” she says, “I don’t.”

Steve looks unfazed. “It was in July,” he says, “before I went back to New York. We came here to watch the sunrise early in the morning and we had breakfast right here.” He pointed to an array of large rocks laying by a couple of palm trees.

“We _did_ picnic a lot here,” Natasha says, “Here or Huntington.” She doesn’t know what Steve is trying to say. She isn’t sure what she wants to say.

“I ate breakfast here this morning,” Steve says, “I didn’t go as hard as you did last night so it wasn’t too bad. The sunrise was stunning, as usual. It’s still beautiful in the afternoon.”

Natasha looks out at the smooth sand and luscious water in front of her. “It is.”

“I was sitting here, drinking my tea, and I just remembered everything,” Steve continues, “I was reminiscing about everything and the one thing that was missing from this perfect morning was you.” He turns to face her.

Natasha stills. 

“It’s the little things,” Steve says, “Just those little things that get me every time. I mean, I obviously miss the big things, but it’s always the little things that make me miss you the most. Miss _us_. Miss it all.”

“_Steve_…” Natasha shakes her head. _No_. She knows she said they’d talk eventually, but she still wants to stall. She can’t bring herself to think about the issue at hand. 

Steve seems to catch up onto her hesitation.

“Why can’t we try again? Why can’t we have another chance together?” Steve asks with a sincere expression on his face..

Natasha closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Weakly, she responds, “Because I know that eventually, you’ll leave me again.”

She’s never really considered herself to be a jealous person. She knows that envy is an emotion that isn’t great to have. Despite all of that, her heart still clenches every time she thinks about Peggy. Peggy has always had a piece of Steve and that’s why she and Steve had never been able to make it work.

She opens her eyes and sees Steve shaking his head at her. “_Natasha_—“

“You chose her over me time after time, so why should I keep playing the fool?” Natasha’s chest tightens. “You’ll leave me for her again soon enough. It happened before and I know it’ll happen again.”

If he wasn’t with her, he had been with Peggy. That’s how it’s always been, even when they were engaged. When they were engaged, Peggy had been his best girl (SPACE) friend. She had never truly been gone.

“You—”

“I’m not gonna be your second choice, Steve. Not anymore,” Natasha says, “I won’t let you do that to me.”

Steve looks taken aback. “You’re not a second choice, Natasha. You mean everything to me.”

“_No_.” Natasha takes a step back from him. “The only reason you’re pursuing me right now is because you’re alone and Peggy’s with someone else. You’re latching onto someone familiar because that brings you comfort.”

“That’s not it,” he insists, “We’ve had too much history for me to just see you that way.”

“I’m not going to let history repeat itself.” Natasha is adamant about that. 

Steve pauses for a second before saying. “You danced with me last night. You liked dancing with me. You teased me. You kissed me like you meant it.”

Natasha sighs. “We could try to forget it all. We could try to start over. We could seriously try to find our way back to each other despite everything that’s happened between us, but the only reason we’d be doing this is because we’re both alone and we _hate_ it.”

She hasn’t dated anyone since Steve. Mostly because she’s been busy with the Black Widow vigilante thing and also working at the nonprofit, but also because she doesn’t want to get into anything serious. She doesn’t think she could handle something as deep as what she had with Steve.

She continues, “We would come back together because it’s familiar and easy, but that’s not true love. That’s not how it should be.”

“We can make it how we want it to be,” Steve tries.

“Maybe we could,” Natasha says, “but we probably shouldn’t.” She looks at the time on the phone. “I should get back.”

Steve doesn’t try to press her to stay. He nods and drives her back. They sit in silence. 

There’s only so much Natasha can handle at once. She can’t handle Steve, no matter what she wants to think, but she'll pretend that she can.

* * *

Natasha prides herself on how sneaky of a person she is. Before she returned back to her friends, she had been able to switch out the substance that they had found at the crime scene. She feels lucky that the substance seemed to resemble hand sanitizer the most.

When she had confronted Clint, he had informed her that it was a gel that he had created to make his arrows longlasting. Natasha had been relieved that she had switched it out because that type of thing could be trackable. 

The next day, she’s sitting in the office, taking small sips of her coffee. It’s a briefing day in the office and so far, no one has even referenced her and Steve at the club the other night. She’s thankful for that. 

Bucky and Tony are presenting details about Rollins and Rumlow and how they’ve been working to piece together a more specific profile for the Black Widow.

“She usually spaces out her victims,” Bucky says, “Rollins is an outlier because he was the last piece of the Rumlow puzzle. Based on the past, it’s unlikely that she’s going to strike for at least a couple more weeks.”

Natasha stifles a laugh. They’re wrong about that. Wanda and Pietro had already found a new target to go after. They want to throw the FBI off their trail. 

Bucky pulls up the profile they put together onto the monitor. “Based on her timing, she could be striking as early as next week.”

Natasha leans back in her seat. They’re wrong. She’s striking as early as tomorrow night.

“We’ve combed through what CSI was able to gather at the scene, but there’s nothing too much off of that,” Bucky says. “We figured out what type of domestic terrorism ring Rumlow was running, but that explosion pretty much killed everyone involved. I guess the Black Widow did us a favor.”

“Doesn’t she always?” Maria mutters under her breath.

“And what about the gel?” Steve asks. “Did we get anything off of that?”

Tony shakes his head. “Nope. The location was suspicious, yes, but it turned out to be hand sanitizer.”

“_Dammit_,” Steve mutters. He looks more upset than frustrated and Natasha can't tell why.

She stops herself from smirking. 

“So, what are we supposed to do for now?” Pepper asks.

“There’s a lot more investigating to do,” Tony responds. “We have the profile. We have to put it to some use.”

“The Black Widow sympathizes with the people who are affected by the people she’s attacked,” Sharon speaks up, “It sets her apart from anyone we’ve ever dealt with.”

“Well, there’s a lot of corruption in a big city like this,” Peggy says.

Natasha tries not to scowl at the sound of her voice.

“Perhaps we could figure out who her next victim is based on the profile,” Peggy continues.

“That’s a lot of searching to do,” Natasha speaks up.

“We can handle it.” Peggy turns to look at her. Her voice almost sounds cold.

Natasha purses her lips. “I suppose.” She just wants to get out of here.

“I can start looking through the profile again,” Bruce speaks up. 

“And I’ll help,” Thor adds.

“_Good_,” Coulson speaks up. “Let’s get started.”

They work for a few hours and Natasha listens carefully to what everyone is saying to ensure that no one is getting too close to the truth. She contributes to the discussion so that they know she’s a participating member, but everything she says is meant to throw them off.

Eventually, they all take a break for an early dinner and Natasha’s about to head back home when Steve approaches her.

“I want to apologize,” he says.

Natasha raises a brow. “For what?” 

“For telling you how I feel,” Steve responds, “For telling you what I want. I know you didn’t want to hear it and I’m sorry I kept trying to push it onto you.”

She pauses as she studies the genuine expression on his face. She licks her lips. “You don’t have to apologize to me.”

“But I _should_,” Steve disagrees, “and I am.”

“I can’t be mad at you for being honest with me,” Natasha says. “You’ve always been an honest person and I’m not going to stop you from being one.”

“Sometimes, I think my honesty gets me in trouble,” Steve admits. “Sometimes, my self-righteous mindset and moral compass seem to bring me more issues than I want.”

Natasha tilts her head. “Maybe, but that doesn’t make you a bad person.” She isn’t sure why she’s saying all these things to Steve to make him feel better about himself, but she knows that dealing with puppy eyes Steve is something she doesn’t have the time or energy for so she just goes along with it.

“I know,” Steve says, “but then I remember what happened between you and I and it makes me doubt all of that.”

“_Steve_—”

“Let me just finish, Natasha,” Steve says, “Who knows when we’ll ever see each other after we wrap this case up. I want to say this to you while I have the chance to.”

He inhales. “Everything that happened between us, everything that happened with Peggy, I’m _really_ sorry. I know that I’ve always gone back to Peggy and I know you’ve always been there with open arms to welcome back even though it was the same thing over and over again. It was fucked up of me and you definitely didn’t deserve that either. I know I’ve been an asshole in the past. Breaking off our engagement was the biggest dick move ever and I want you to know that I’m sorry. I’m _so_ sorry that I hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. I hope you understand that.”

He hesitates before continuing, “I’ve always loved you. I still do love you. I’ll always regret the way things ended between us three years ago. I just need you to understand that I’m not an idiot anymore. I know I fucked up and I’m sorry.”

Natasha sighs. “Steve, our relationship was never perfect and it wasn’t just you. I know that sometimes I was emotionally unavailable and I know that affected us. I’m sorry, too. I know I could’ve done better.”

Apologizing to Steve isn’t something she ever thought she’d do but she feels awkward just standing there as he goes on and on. She’s being genuine though because she knows for a fact that she had been emotionally unavailable at times. She isn’t going to deny that.

“But I messed up more,” Steve says, “I was the one who did all the shit that ended our relationship. I left you. I went back to Peggy. That’s all on me. But when it comes to Daniel and Peggy, I—”

“I think we can end this right here with me saying this. Truthfully, I believe and I know that you’re a good person, Steve,” she interrupts him, “What happened in our relationship doesn’t make you a bad person. I know we’ve had our ups and downs but none of that defines who you are as a person.”

She steps closer to him. “You’re selfless. You’re brave. You’re kind. You’re intelligent. You’re one of the best men I know. You’re a good FBI agent. You’re a good citizen. You’re a _good_ man. Just because you and I had relationship problems doesn’t mean that it cancels all of your good qualities. I need you to understand that.”

Steve looks surprised, but a small grin forms on his face. “Thank you. That means a lot.”

“Of course,” Natasha says. Everything she said is the truth to her but it’s also meant to be a pep talk for him. Maybe if he realizes that he’s not as bad of a person as he thinks, he’ll back off. 

“Friends, then?” Steve asks.

Natasha ponders the idea. There’s nothing wrong with being on good terms with someone she can’t bring herself to hate. Even though it brings back memories that she’d rather not remember, he’s gonna go back to New York after this and she supposes that it really can’t hurt to be civil with him.

“Friends.” Natasha nods. 

She looks at the time on the clock and then back at Steve. “You know… Wanda and Pietro are making Sokovian food for dinner. Have you ever had Sokovian?”

Steve shakes his head.

“You can come with,” Natasha says, “and try something new out.”

“You sure? I wouldn’t want to intrude,” Steve says, looking down at his hands.

“They’ve been wanting to meet you,” Natasha says. “Clint, too.”

Steve looks up. “Really?”

Natasha nods. “I know they’d love to have you over.”

“Well, if you’re offering,” Steve says.

“I am.”

“Then let’s do it.”

She’s killing two birds with one stone. She’s being a mature person and being friendly with Steve for her personal sake, but she’s also maintaining his trust for the Black Widow’s sake.

Clint, Wanda, and Pietro are surprised to see Steve there, but they warm up to him quickly and welcome him in their home.

Wanda explains what’s in every dish to him. Clint tells him about his workout routine with archery. Pietro engages in a discussion over whether football or futbol is the better sport. Conversation comes easy for them.

As she watches Steve interact with Clint, Wanda, and Pietro, she can’t help but smile a little. It’s a heartwarming sight. She wishes it could always be that simple, but she knows it can’t. It won’t. 

* * *

The next night, she’s not aiming to kill. The person they’re after really doesn’t deserve to have his whole life taken from him.

Natasha knows it’s weird that she thinks about stuff like this and that there’s definitely something wrong with her, but that’s just the life of a vigilante. 

She adjusts the mask that covers her face as Wanda touches up on her blonde wig. Clint’s pulling his fingerless gloves on as Pietro drives the van. 

It goes easier than expected. Dr. List is originally from the Bay Area and has a secret reputation of being a fraudulent physician who scams less fortunate people out of everything they have. Natasha and Clint are planning to leak a bunch of documents to expose him. 

They have no intention to cause any physical harm, but they also have to be careful. She still has her Widow’s Bite gauntlets and a pistol at her thighs.

They arrive at the hotel in Santa Monica and they’re ready to go. Pietro shuts down the security cameras and they go about it. Clint climbs to the rooftop while Natasha sneaks in through the back. She takes the service elevator to make it to the floor without being spotted.

Things go as planned. Clint keeps watch of Dr. List to make sure he’s still out for dinner while Natasha breaks into his suite and hacks into his computer.

She smirks as she types away on his laptop, getting access to every hidden document that details his fraudulent activities. She uploads it all onto the Internet and is able to slip out of his room in ease.

“I got it done,” Natasha says over her comm.

Clint sounds impressed. “Great. We need to get going because List is coming back.”

Making her way down the hotel in the back, she hears a familiar laugh and freezes. She can hear footsteps nearing and she stops where she is in the kitchens by the liquor cabinet as she listens to figure out from which direction the sound is coming from.

She’s horrified when she realizes that, out of  _ all  _ people, Steve and Tony are heading towards her direction. She curses under her breath and hides.

“I mean, she’s always been a bit of a cold person,” Tony says, “She’s reserved. She’s surrounded herself by walls. Just be impressed you were able to break them once. Not many people get to do that.”

“Tony, you’re not helping,” Steve groans.

“I’m just saying,” Tony says, defensively, “Natasha’s not an easy person to deal with.”

Natasha rolls her eyes. They’re  _ really  _ talking about her.

“I’m aware of that,” Steve says, “but why are we having this discussion down here? Where are we going/’

Tony responds, “I’ve stayed in this hotel before. I know the chef and kitchen staff pretty well. We’re grabbing a nice bottle from their collection, probably their brandy—”

Steve interrupts him, “We're here to get alcohol?”

“_Yes_, Steven,” Tony snorts in amusement.

Natasha wants to smack herself in the forehead. They’re coming straight for her.

“Natasha, where are you?” She hears Clint hiss over the comm.

Natasha wants to respond to him but Steve and Tony are too close and she can’t risk it. She hears Wanda and Pietro also asking about her whereabouts.

The doorknob of the massive liquor cabinet creaks and Natasha accepts that the only option she has is to run as fast as she can get away from them. If she has to fight them off, she will. She would never use a gun against her own friends, but she supposes using her Widow’s Bite gauntlets would be alright.

She ignores Clint, Wanda, and Pietro as the door opens. She sees Tony and Steve and watches their eyes widen in shock. 

“The _Black Widow_…” Tony murmurs.

Natasha doesn’t hesitate as her gauntlets light up in a bright blue color. She runs towards the door but Steve, being dramatic as always, blocks the door with his massive body and Natasha presses her gauntlet against his neck. Steve shrieks but Tony shoves her arm off and pushes her back. 

It starts from there. Even without a gun, Tony and Steve are as good as she remembers when it comes to hand-to-hand combat. She’s a stellar fighter but she’s holding back against them because they’re her friends and they can’t know who she is. That’s why they’re beating her, but then she hears a commotion behind her and Clint’s standing there in his disguise but without his arrows. 

Clint immediately goes for Tony while Natasha continues to fight Steve off. She’s sparred with him in the past and she had usually won, but Steve has seemingly been consistently training hard because he’s getting an edge on her.

Still, she doesn’t give up and they fight like a dancer, moving in sync and neither can get a true blow on each other. Natasha’s not really trying to, but she can tell that Steve has improved in hand-to-hand combat. 

He fights the way she remembers and it takes them some more time before she finally knocks him off his feet and he falls to the floor. 

Clint grabs Tony’s arm and throws him to the floor, falling with him. He jumps back onto his feet and grabs Natasha’s wrist, leading her away from them. 

They get out of there, but Natasha hadn’t noticed the look on Steve’s face when she had knocked him off of his feet. Clint doesn’t notice that he dropped something by Tony. 

Natasha pretty much jumps into the van and Pietro hits the gas, getting them the hell away from there.

“_Goddammit!_” Natasha exclaims, ripping the mask off of her face. She snatches the wig off of her hair and shakes her head in disbelief. “Out of _all_ hotels… fucking _Tony_.”

“At least you succeeded,” Wanda says, trying to calm her down. “The leaks are already trending on every social media network.” She turns to Clint. “You guys did it.”

“We did,” Clint says, “but that fucking sucked.”

“Could’ve been worse,” Pietro quips. “At least your wig and mask stayed on.”

Natasha glares at him. 

She feels so dirty and takes a hot shower when she gets back home to wash the feeling of frustration off of her. She sighs as the steam flies around her. It’s definitely been a long night. 

* * *

“She’s strong and fast,” Steve says, “She’s very skilled at hand to hand combat.”

It’s the next morning and Steve and Tony are briefing everyone on what happened last night.

“And so is her partner,” Tony says, “Male. Caucasian. Decently muscular. About my height.”

“Did anything about either of them stand out to you?” Coulson asks. “Is there anything identifiable?”

Tony shakes his head. “He had a mask that covered his whole head. I couldn’t even see his eyes.”

“Steve?” Sharon raises a brow.

Steve hesitates for a moment and Natasha tenses. He pauses and then shakes his head. “No. I don’t think so.”

Coulson sighs. “_Dammit_.”

“There were no witnesses,” Sam says, “and the security cameras weren’t working, as usual.”

“No one staying on Dr. List’s floor heard or saw anything,” Bucky adds, “Dr. List’s hotel room was squeaky clean too. No trace of anything being disturbed.”

“Well, besides the files being leaked,” Maria says.

“I still have mixed feelings about this Black Widow,” Thor says, “Even with the profile, I can’t understand her.”

Peggy shrugs. “She’s unlike anyone we’ve ever hunted after. It’s quite curious.” She turns to Steve. “Did she say anything?”

Steve looks taken aback for a moment as if surprised that she’s actually speaking to him. “No. She didn’t even say anything when her accomplice showed up.” 

“Well, at least there were no casualties involved this time,” Pepper says, “However, this doesn’t help us make a location-based profile at all. The Black Widow pops up all over the LA metro. She could live anywhere. She’s had victims from as far up north as Calabasas all the way down south to Laguna Beach.”

“There has to be something that can help us figure out who she is,” Tony says, “but she’s so good at covering her tracks and throwing us off.”

The rest of the meeting is pretty unproductive and boring in Natasha’s opinion. They work on formulating plans to predict the Black Widow’s next step while also trying to broaden the profile. Natasha contributes little to the discussion, opting to listen for the most part. 

When Coulson lets them loose for the rest of the day, Steve looks annoyed and he heads towards his temporary office. Natasha follows him into the small space.

“Are you okay?” Natasha asks. She knows she barely messed him up, but it’s what she’s supposed to say.

Steve nods. “I’m fine. Those gauntlets that she has do sting though.” He chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

Natasha crosses her arms. “Well, at least you’re in good shape for the most part.”

Steve chuckles. “True.”

“_So_, what’d you think of her?” Natasha asks. “The Black Widow… what was she like in person?” The question comes out of her mouth before she truly thinks about them.

Steve shrugs. “I don’t know. She fights well.”

“That’s not what I mean,” Natasha says. She clarifies, “What do you think about her motives?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Because I have mixed feelings like Thor,” Natasha responds, “She’s obviously a bad person. She’s _killed_. She’s done so many unforgivable things but… her purpose makes it all complicated. She’s not doing all of this because she’s sadistic. She’s doing this for, I don’t know, the greater good of the city. Is it bad that I understand what she’s doing?”

In all honesty, this is something that Natasha is actually struggling with. She knows that she’s done a lot of bad things. She’s been using her skill set in a violent matter that the Bureau would frown upon. She’s trying to fight corruption using a method that doesn’t really make her any better than the people she’s trying to stop.

It makes her wonder, sometimes, just how good of a person she is. Or just how bad of a person she is.

She knows that not all things are black and white, but that grey limbo that she finds herself in is confusing her. She doesn’t know who she is. This is the most subtle way she can ask.

Steve purses his lips, thinking of a response. He licks his licks and responds, “I get what you mean. I’ve been thinking about that too.”

He takes a seat by his desk. “_Obviously_, first and foremost, she’s a criminal. She’s committing crimes. That’s why we need to figure out who she is. That part is simple. It won’t be as simple when the prosecutor tries to figure out what to do with her. The jury will struggle. The judge will struggle.”

“That’s not for us to decide,” Natasha says.

“It’s not,” Steve agrees, “but it’s still our struggle. When we interrogate her, I don’t know how I would personally go about it. No one with a brain can be mad at her motives. She’s trying to rid the city of corruption. The idea, itself, is selfless. It’s just the execution.”

He shrugs. “It’s a complicated matter. In the long run, it’s unfair, but the justice system has seemingly been black and white. No one seems to want to deal with the grey area.”

“Everything with her is grey,” Natasha says.

“I know. It _sucks_,” Steve says. “I’d like to believe that she has a good heart. It’s unfortunate that she’s going about it like this. Being a vigilante isn’t the wisest choice. In the end, justice will be served.”

Natasha runs a hand through her hair. “This is one of the reasons why I left the Bureau. It’s too black and white.” It’s not necessarily a complete truth, but it’s not a lie either.

“We’re getting better at that,” Steve says, “Trying to look at the grey, you know.”

Natasha rubs her lips. “I don’t think I could handle being an agent again.”

Steve inhales. “Is it really going to be Los Angeles forever for you?”

Natasha pauses, unsure of how to answer. She honestly doesn’t know. “I don’t have any other plans or ideas. I like it here. I genuinely do.”

That surprises her. When Fury had told her years ago that she and Steve would be working in Los Angeles temporarily, she had thought she would hate it. LA and New York are two very different places in her mind and she just couldn’t imagine herself there.

She had grown to like it, even though deep down she knew that she fit New York’s lifestyle better. And after everything that had happened, she made Los Angeles her home. The idea of leaving is weird to her now.

“You always _loved_ New York,” Steve says. “You adapted to that fast-paced lifestyle so well. You thrived there.”

“_Steve_…” Natasha’s voice softens.

Steve reaches out to her, holding onto her limp hand. “Come back with me,” he implores, “When this is all over… I need you.” He sounds so genuine that it makes her heart clench.

His words remind her of the times they shared together all those years ago when he would look at her like he couldn’t believe she was real. When they had been together in the past, he treated her like she was everything.

Natasha looks down at the hand he’s holding onto and she remembers when there had been an engagement ring on the ring finger. Then, she remembers why it’s no longer there.

She tugs her hand back and looks at him, catching a quick glimpse of hope in his eyes. Her legs are beginning to feel like jello as she takes a step back from him. “No.” She shakes her head. “I can’t go back with you. I’m sorry.” She genuinely means it. 

Even after all this time, Natasha doesn’t think she truly understands love. 

* * *

Natasha’s sitting on the sofa, picking at a grilled chicken salad that she no longer really has the appetite for. She’s watching some old movie from who knows when while relaxing among the comfortable throw cushions.

She’s not in the mood to do anything. Clint, Wanda, and Pietro had decided to spend the next two days at fucking _Disneyland_ out of all places. They had invited Natasha, of course, but she hadn’t been feeling it and besides, she might be called into the office.

She’s just in the mood for a chill day where she doesn’t do anything productive at all and that’s exactly what she’s been doing until she hears the doorbell ring.

Natasha looks to see who’s at the door and she groans. “You’ve _got_ to be kidding me,” she mutters under her breath.

She walks to the door and swings it open. “Can I help you?” It comes out more bitter than intended, but at this point, Natasha can’t bring herself to care, especially since it’s Peggy, out of all people.

Peggy smiles. “Do you mind if I come in?”

Natasha would rather not have her come in, but she doesn’t have a valid reason to say no, so she moves aside. “Come on in.”

She shuts the door behind her as Peggy awkwardly stands in the hallway. She has no idea why she’s here. Someone would have called her if Peggy’s here to drop something off or whatever. 

“So, is there a development in the case or something?” Natasha asks to break the silence.

Peggy shakes her head. “No. I just wanted to talk to you about something personal.”

Natasha raises a brow. “About what exactly?”

“_Steve_.”

Natasha frowns. “Forgive me if I sound rude, but I have no interest in discussing my ex-fiance with you.”

“Natasha, I want to apologize.”

“What?”

Peggy crosses her arms. “I won’t apologize for loving Steve and for Steve loving me. It’s not like I intended for that to happen and I don’t feel like I owe you an apology for that. However, I know that dating him right after he ended his engagement with you was a shitty move by me. I’m sorry that I let Steve end it for me. I know we’ve never been close, but we had been co-workers for years and sort of friends so I know that it wasn’t nice to have that relationship thrust into your face.”

Natasha’s surprised and she blinks in response. No words come out of her mouth.

Peggy continues, “You were going to marry him and that didn’t happen because of me. Most of this is Steve’s fault, but I know I have some responsibility so I wanted to apologize, especially because it seems that Steve ended things with you for nothing since I’ve moved on with Daniel.”

She takes a step closer to her. “I have no interest in ever rekindling anything with Steve. I’m in love with Daniel. _Daniel_ is the one for me.”

“You don’t need to say this to me,” Natasha says, “I don’t need you to apologize to me. The past in the past.”

“But I _do_,” Peggy says, “because I think you need to hear this in order to give Steve another chance.”

Natasha’s surprised again. “What are you talking about?”

Peggy takes a deep breath. “I broke up with Steve because I realized I didn’t love him as much as I did. He wasn’t the one for me. Daniel is. That’s what I told him when I ended things with him. But another reason I broke up with him is because I know he misses you.”

Natasha purses her lips. “He told me he does.”

“It’s the truth,” Peggy says. “He’s still in love with you. You’re the one he wants.” She looks serious.

Natasha shakes her head. “I’m not doing this again with him. I don’t want to go back.”

“That’s understandable,” Peggy says, genuinely. “I get it. I really _do_. I completely understand if you never want to see him again… but I _know_ Steve. And you know him too.”

“_Peggy_…”

“I’m asking you to give him another chance,” Peggy says, “You don’t have to. It’s up to you, but I just want you to consider it. New York is your home. You had balance there. You had everyone there. I know you’ve built up a new life here, but there’s still so much of home back in New York. Everyone misses you, Natasha. _Steve_, especially.”

She adds, “Steve has _always_ wanted you. What happened between me and him after you stayed in LA was a mistake and he knows that. We all do. You’re the one he wants and I know he doesn’t want to give you up again. I also know that you still love him. It’s obvious you do. It makes sense that you do. If you would just give yourself the chance, give him the chance, to try again, you guys could be something great again.”

“We never worked out,” Natasha says, “He always went back to you. He only wants me because he can’t have you anymore. I can’t be an idiot about this again.”

“Things are different now,” Peggy says, “A lot of things have changed in the past three years. I just want you to give it some thought. Give it another go.”

“You’re asking a lot from me,” Natasha says. 

“Just think about it, Natasha,” Peggy says. “You know that Steve is a good person. I can vouch for the last three years and confirm he’s an even better person now. Give him a chance. He won’t let you down.”

With that, the brunette smiles and bids her farewell before leaving.

Natasha runs a hand through her hair as she reflects on what just happened. She takes a deep breath and decides that she wants to continue with this chill day as she planned so she tries to push Peggy’s words to the back of her head.

Five minutes after settling back into the sofa, the doorbell rings again and Natasha holds herself back from screaming. She gets up from where she’s sitting and opens the door to see Steve standing there.

“_Jesus Christ_,” she mutters under her breath.

Steve raises a brow. “Good afternoon to you too.”

Natasha leans against the door. “Is there something you need, Steve?” She says it nicely. 

“I just wanted to talk to you.”

“If this is gonna be a talk about our feelings, I decline to partake in this discussion,” Natasha says.

“It doesn’t have to be about our feelings,” Steve says, “It can just be about yours.”

“Why would I want to talk about _my_ feelings?” Natasha frowns.

“Whenever I try to talk to you about feelings, it’s always about mine,” Steve responds, “I never hear about what you feel. What you think. I want to know.”

Natasha swallows her breath. “That doesn’t mean I need to tell you anything.” She sighs. “Steve, what the _hell_ is this?”

“Can I come in?” Steve avoids her question.

Natasha looks him in the eye and sighs again. “Come on in.” She knows this is something he won’t let go of so she might as well get it over with when she’s not plotting another crime.

She leads him into the living room and takes a seat. 

Steve sits across from her.

“What do you want me to say?” Natasha crosses her arms.

“Tell me what it is about Los Angeles that’s so compelling to you,” Steve says, “What makes you want to stay here?”

Natasha purses her lips, thinking of a response to that question. “It’s different from New York. It’s so different but so similar at the same time. It’s got a different lifestyle but it’s big enough that I don’t feel like I’m trapped somewhere. It’s not intimidating like New York and I feel like I can let my thoughts roam free here without getting overwhelmed by the lifestyle.”

She pauses and adds, “I love New York. I won’t deny that, but I can’t just go back. I’ve built a life here with Wanda and Pietro and Clint and I love everything I do here. I’ve become comfortable with everything here after everything fell apart in New York. I have a home here. I have my people here.”

“New York’s still there for you,” Steve says, “It’s been three years. Things are different. If you would just give it a chance, you could fall in love with the city again.”

“Maybe I could,” Natasha says, “I’m not opposed to going back. I just can’t see myself going back so soon. It’s just not where I’m supposed to be.”

“Who are you supposed to be in LA?” Steve asks.

Natasha inhales. “I’m not who you want me to be,” she insists. “I’m not the Natasha you once knew.”

Steve’s silent for a moment. Natasha licks her lips and opens her mouth to add more, but he speaks up.

“You’re right,” Steve says. “This Natasha is not the Natasha in New York that was stuck in a mindset that everything was black and white. This Natasha seems to like lounging around the grey area. Stuck between those three colors.”

Natasha raises a brow.

“You’ve slowed your life down and taken it easy,” he adds, “You’re living a simpler life. This Natasha seems to have decided that she can’t live too fast anymore.”

“Because that’s who I am now.”

“I like _you_. I like that,” Steve says, gently.

Natasha shakes her head. “No, you don’t. Don’t say that. You’re a New Yorker by heart. Fast-paced is in your blood.”

“I’m from Brooklyn,” Steve says, “Gentrification is a problem, but Brooklyn is still slower than Manhattan. I appreciate the simpler things too.”

“Maybe you think so,” Natasha says, “but you don’t like me. You like the old me. You just miss me. That’s why you’re thinking this way.”

Steve shakes his head. “_No_. I like you. New York or Los Angeles. I like you wherever, however, as long as it’s _you_.”

“You didn’t,” Natasha says, “or if you did, it wasn’t enough because we didn’t end up together.”

“We had some bumps in the road,” Steve says.

Natasha snorts. “Understatement.”

“But the road is fixed,” Steve says, “and if you’re willing to take a ride, we can start something amazing.”

“You make it sound like it’s so easy. It’s not. It’s really not,” Natasha says, “I don’t know why you don’t understand that.”

“We don’t have to make this difficult,” Steve responds. “I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Natasha looks away from him. “You keep saying that to me. You keep repeating those words to me as if I’ll react differently every time you say it. Why can’t you just accept that this isn’t what I want?”

Steve sighs. “I know. I know that this is pretty much harassment if I keep this going on, but I don’t… I don’t want to let this go to waste. If you stay here and I go back to New York, I don’t know if I’ll ever have the chance to make things right with you.”

“We’re friends,” Natasha says. “That’s good with me.”

“I don’t want you to be a friend. I want you to be more,” Steve says.

Natasha looks down at her hands. “Steve, I—”

“Truth or dare?”

Natasha’s taken aback as she looks up to meet Steve’s glance. “_What?_”

“You heard me,” Steve says, challengingly. The dejected look on his face has been replaced by a smirk.

Natasha raises a brow, taking a step towards him. “Is it your turn to ask now?”

Steve shrugs. “It seems so.”

Natasha supposes that a game is only fun if both people play. She takes the bait. “Truth.”

If Steve is displeased by her answer, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he smiles. “If I kissed you right now and made you feel good, would you stop me?”

“Excuse me?”

“Yes or no?” Steve leans forward. “It’s just a question.”

Natasha hesitates and rubs her lips together. “If you kissed me right now… I think I’d stop you.”

“You_ think?_ Or you _know?_”

“Steve—”

“It’s a yes or no question.”

Natasha looks at him and she sees flashes of their past in her head. This is why she doesn’t like to think about things like this. It makes her remember the past and all the feelings she keeps trying to stow away. She doesn’t want to let herself get caught up in her emotions.

“I don’t know,” Natasha says, “I don’t know if I would stop you… Maybe I would. Maybe I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t know.”

She knows that’s not the answer he wants but he doesn’t press on.

“Alright,” Steve says. “Truth or dare?”

Natasha’s nose wrinkles. “What? You can’t ask two questions in a row.”

“Why not? You answered truth, which is very tame and boring if you ask me. _Also_, you didn’t answer the question correctly. It’s only fair I get to ask again,” Steve says, inching towards her.

“Is that how we’re doing this?” Natasha furrows a brow. _Unbelievable_.

“It’s the game we’re playing.”

Natasha cocks her head, a ghost of a smile on her face. “Alright. _Dare_.”

“I dare you to kiss me,” Steve says barely above a whisper, but she hears it.

“You’re playing dirty, Rogers,” Natasha hums. “That’s my specialty, you know.”

“I know,” Steve responds, “but it doesn’t hurt to try it out. Like I said, who knows when we’ll ever cross paths again.”

Natasha leans forward. “_Fine_. Maybe you have a point.” She leans in and connects their lips. His teeth graze against her lips and he gently bites, causing her to gasp and giving his tongue access inside her mouth. 

She can’t help herself and she smiles against his lips, bringing her hand up to cup his jaw. Her other hand runs through his hair as he pulls her close to him.

Natasha knows she shouldn’t be doing this given everything she had just said to him, but she knows he’s right. They may never cross paths again. She doesn’t know how she feels about that, but she decides that if this will be the last time, she’ll give things proper closure. At least, by her own terms.

And by the end of the day, it’s truth or dare in the bedroom.

* * *

Natasha sees Steve at the office the next day for another briefing, but he leaves immediately so she doesn’t get a chance to talk to him. She decides to just return home to see what’s playing on the television.

She calls Wanda to get updates on how she’s doing with Clint and Pietro at Disneyland.

“Poor you,” Natasha jokes, “having to babysit  _ and  _ third-wheel those two.”

Wanda laughs. “They’re actually behaving quite decently. You’d be surprised.”

“I can’t wait to hear all about that later,” Natasha snickers.

A few hours later, she’s washing the dirty dishes she had used to make dinner when she sees a black SUV pull up by the curb.

Natasha frowns and takes off a rubber glove. She reaches for her phone and sees that she hasn’t gotten any notifications. She sees Steve climbing out of the SUV and she purses her lips.

Since they haven’t talked to each other all day since what happened last night, she supposes that he’s here to talk about it. She knows this was gonna happen eventually, especially since Steve had been staring at her during the briefing earlier today.

She dries the remaining dish and leaves it to dry more in the rack, before washing her hands. 

The doorbell rings and Natasha forces a smile on her face as she opens the door. “Steve, come on in.”

He doesn’t smile. He doesn’t say anything. He barely reacts as he walks into the interior. He looks around and then turns back to face her.

“I know you’re probably here to talk about what happened last night,” Natasha says, “but I want you to understand that you were playing dirty. The sex we had… that doesn’t mean we’re going to be anything. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about anything.”

Steve looks unfazed. He just stares at her, his blue eyes surprisingly cold.

“Steve?” Natasha frowns. “Are you—”

“I know you’re the Black Widow,” Steve says. 

Out of all the things he could have said, that’s the last thing she would’ve expected him to say. She feels like she’s been punched. She doesn’t know what to say.

Natasha looks at him and their eyes meet and she’s trying to figure out what to say when he continues.

“Don’t even try to deny it. I know it’s you.” 

Natasha doesn’t say anything. She knows she could deny it all she wants but he looks so cold and that’s a look she’s never seen on him.

Taking note of her silence, Steve continues, “There’s enough evidence to prove it.”

“That’s a bold accusation, Steve,” Natasha says, keeping her posture composed and speaking as confidently as she can.

She doesn’t know how Steve knows. She can’t think of anything that could’ve led him to her. She was so careful to ensure that this wouldn’t happen.

“It’s not an accusation,” Steve says. He doesn’t sound angry or disappointed. He sounds stern and serious. She doesn’t like that.

He crosses his arms and begins pacing in a circle. “Fury sent me to LA because he wanted me to work on the Black Widow case. He thought that my expertise could be utilized well. I had been the one to suggest it, though, because I was suspicious.”

“Of what?” The words come out of her mouth before she even realizes.

“We had been tracking Rumlow and his cronies for a while,” Steve says, “Imagine my surprise when I see he’s been spotted at events affiliated with your nonprofit.”

“So  _ that  _ brought all this on?” Natasha resists the urge to scoff.

Steve shakes his head. “No. I’ve been thinking about the Black Widow’s motives for a long time. I was able to piece together a profile of my own for her. I was trying to figure out who she was and what she was trying to do.” He points to her. “She reminded me of you.”

Natasha says nothing.

“So, I came here and I really didn’t want to believe what I was thinking, but I decided to come by the party,” Steve says, “I wanted to see what was happening for myself.”

Natasha immediately sees flashes of that night in her head. She still refuses to say anything.

“I thought I would talk to you,” Steve says, “and I didn’t want you to be suspicious of my own side investigation, so I told you I wanted you back. I thought that if you knew that, that would occupy your mind.”

Natasha frowns. “What is  _ that  _ supposed to mean? Are you saying that you lied about that? You used that to distract me?”

Steve shook his head and his expression softens for a moment. “I never lied about how I felt. I do love you. I do want you back. But I came here to talk to you about something else. Not that.”

Natasha purses her lips.

“You were always trying to steer the conversation during the briefings away from one point to another,” Steve says, “You were more reserved than you had been back when you were at the Bureau. At first, I kept dismissing it because I mean, you’ve been out of the office for three years so you could just be out of touch. But then all this suspicious stuff happened. The results from the blonde and brown hair come back inconclusive. It could’ve been a genuine mistake, but the programming of the test had been changed right before it was tested.”

He adds, “And then Clint had that cut on his hand. The footage of what happened at Rollins had been, for the most part, cut, but a small part made it so that it was grainy and it showed Rollins cutting the person he was fighting. You didn’t know that because I kept that out of the files that you read on our way to the scene.”

Natasha doesn’t even know what to think. Everything is so shocking to her and it takes her a while to comprehend everything she’s hearing.

“When we were at the scene,” Steve continues, “I stuck dry hair gel onto the wall when you were in another room and pointed it out as ‘evidence’ so that I could see if that would affect you. It’s hair gel. I know it was hair gel. But then it gets confirmed to be hand sanitizer.”

Natasha’s blood runs cold. She personally believes that she was a better agent than Steve, but she knows that Steve is a close second to her. She had been wrong to doubt him. 

“That kind of sealed the deal for me,” Steve says, “but I wasn’t sure what to do about that. It became harder when Clint and I talked about his archery skills. That night at the hotel, I’m assuming that was Clint with you, he dropped an arrow when he was flipping Tony over. And when I was fighting you, well, everything seemed so familiar. I’ve sparred with you many times. I’ve seen the way you fight. It’s not exactly the same as it was three years ago, but I still recognized the style. Even though the gel confirmed it, it really began to feel like a reality when I fought you. There's other stuff, too. You asking me for access into the network was pretty suspicious and when we had sex, I saw the injuries on your body. You claimed they were just from training in the gym, but I know better."

Natasha looks at him, an incredulous expression on her face. “You’re _reaching_. This is all speculation and the evidence is circumstantial.”

She points a finger, accusingly, at him. “I don’t know what kind of shit you’re trying to pull over me, but you’re just grasping on.”

Steve’s jaw clenches.

“How can I believe that you _really_ love me? How can I believe you weren’t saying all that just to get close to me again? Maybe you were just trying to lure me into a false sense of security,” Natasha says. “You were playing a game. I bet you just slept with me for the fun of it before it would all come crashing down.”

Steve pushes her against the wall, one hand pinning both of hers above her head. He inches closer to her, until they’re only centimeters apart. “You were playing me _just_ as much as I was playing you.”

He’s so close that she can feel his breath on her.

“I did what I had to do to protect my friends,” Natasha hisses at him, “I was protecting my family.”

“You were committing crimes.” Steve narrows his eyes at her. “You’re acting a vigilante but that’s really just criminal, no matter what your intentions are.”

“What I did was for the greater good of this city,” Natasha says. She doesn’t even bother to try to break out of his grasp.

“You’re a criminal, Natasha. That’s what you are,” Steve says.

“Then, _arrest_ me.” Natasha glares at him. “You’re an FBI agent. You can do that. You’re here. What else would you be doing here?”

She lets out a nasty laugh. “You said all this shit to me about wanting me to go back with you. You were saying you’re still in love with me. You said all this shit even though, deep down, you had your suspicions. _Why?_ Why would you do all that? Were you just trying to make this easier for you? I guess it worked because here I am, at your mercy. _Arrest_ me, Steve.”

Steve tenses and lets go of her hands. He snarls. “I should. I know I should, but here’s the problem. I really don’t want to believe this. I don’t want this to be the truth.”

“_Unfortunate_,” Natasha says, “because you can’t change it.” They’re walking around eggshells now.

His mask of anger and coldness disappears and he just looks troubled now. “I didn’t want it to be true, because I really am still in love with you. I still want a future with you. I want us to have another chance. I thought that if you would just tell me you loved me, tell me that you wanted a life with me, then maybe I wouldn’t keep looking into you. Maybe I would just drop that thought altogether.”

He sighs. “It’s not right. It’s not right at all and it’s awful, but when it comes to you… it’s not easy. I wish this wasn’t the case.”

He continues, “I don’t want to arrest you. I don’t want to see you go to trial and likely go to jail. I understand your motives. When you asked me how I felt about the Black Widow, I was being honest with you. I know you did what you did because you believed you were doing it for the greater good. You were trying to rid this city of greed and corruption. I can’t be angry at a motive like that, but I _am_ angry at the way you went about all of this.”

“There’s nothing either of us can do about that now,” Natasha says, softly. “You know what you need to do.” It’s not like she wants to be arrested, but Steve is a good person and she doesn’t want to change that. It’s the least she could do for him.

Steve looks at her and takes a deep breath. “I know what I need to do, but I also know what I want to do.”

Natasha swallows her breath and shakes her head. “_Steve_—”

“This isn’t black and white anymore,” Steve says, “I can’t just… I can’t do it. I don’t want to do it.”

“You’re a good person, Steve,” Natasha says, “I’m not going to change that. I’m not gonna let you change for me.”

The thing with Steve is that he has the ability to make her feel like she’s in a limbo. He knows her too well that whenever she talks to him, she remembers everything and those memories seem to chip away at who she is now. 

Things have never been easy with Steve and she’s scared that whatever happens next will leave her with nothing after he’s gone. He’ll be gone. There’s no way he could stay.

Natasha isn’t one to give up, but her feelings for Steve have always had power over her. She knows she can survive this, whatever this will be. She just worries about what will be left of her.

“I want to take a chance,” Steve says.

“This isn’t as simple as truth or dare,” Natasha drawls, “You’re playing a dangerous game, Steve.” She knows it’s probably not the wisest thing in the world to use that tone, given what he knows, but this is who she is. This is what it’s coming down to.

“I know.” He doesn’t sound or look like he regrets it. 

Natasha doesn’t know how to respond. 

“I’m going to talk to Fury and Coulson. Don’t you dare do anything,” Steve says. He steps towards her. “Promise me that you’ll wait until I call you.”

Natasha looks up at him and hesitates, but seeing the pleading in his eyes leads her to nod.

Steve embraces her, inhaling her scent and leaves without a word.

* * *

Hours later, Steve arrives back to her home. Natasha’s spent the past couple hours sitting on the sofa, curled up into a ball. She hasn’t spoken to Clint, Wanda, or Pietro but she supposes she’ll have to soon enough.

There’s a knock on her door and Steve comes in, looking calm.

"So, what is it?" Natasha asks, looking up at him. "Are you here to arrest me?"

"No." Steve shakes his head.

"Are you here to wait with me before someone else comes to arrest me?"

"Nope."

"Are you here to take me to interrogation before someone arrests me?"

"_Natasha_," Steve says, taking a seat next to her on the sofa, "You're not gonna be arrested. "

Natasha frowns. "What the hell do you mean?" 

"I talked to Coulson and Fury," Steve answers, "I had a long discussion with them about everything. They're both pissed at you for resorting to these methods and they're pissed you've been playing along with this, but... they don't want to arrest you either."

"They're just contributing to the corruption of the justice system," Natasha says, "You know, if I was a minority, my ass would be hauled into a prison cell without a trial."

Steve sighs. "I know. I _do_... but I can't. I really can't."

"You're an idiot."

"I know."

Natasha looks at him in disbelief. "What's supposed to happen now, then? What are we going to do?"

"Fury's going to talk to the President and the Attorney General," Steve says, "What Fury wants, he gets. He's going to vouch for you. He's going to make sure nothing happens to you."

"Fury doesn't owe me any of that," Natasha says.

Steve responds, "I know, but you were his best agent. He's always gonna bet for you."

Natasha doesn't like that. "He shouldn't."

"Well, he said that you should reconsider joining the Bureau," Steve says, "LA or New York. Doesn't matter to him."

Natasha resists the urge to scoff. "He's doing all that because he wants me to rejoin. Questionable qualities for a man with so much power. If I were the President, I'd be rethinking his position."

"I know it sounds sketchy," Steve says, "but he's still there for you."

"This isn't right," Natasha says. She rubs her lips together. "I don't know how you're okay with this."

"My moral compass is screaming at me on the inside," Steve says, "but I don't listen to my head when it comes to you. I listen to my heart."

Natasha bites her lip. "That sounds so fucked up, though, Steve."

"We're past the point of no return, Natasha."

"Looks like it."

Steve reaches out to her and touches her wrist. "I love you and I'm going to make sure you get out of this."

Natasha sighs. Although she's grateful that Fury is doing this for her and that Steve is taking a chance on her, it doesn't feel right at all. She knows this isn't how it should be happening.

"Truth or dare?"

Natasha looks at him in disbelief. "_Oh_, come on, Steve. This again?"

Steve shrugs. "I feel like you and I take that very seriously."

"This is not the time to play games," Natasha says, slightly amused. "You know that."

"I know," Steve says, "but this is how we are now."

Natasha purses her lips for a moment. "Dare, but don't you _dare_ let this lead to sex."

The end of his lips curls into a small smirk. "Not what I had in mind, but maybe later. I dare you to trust me."

"I _do_ trust you," Natasha says, "We were engaged before. I trusted you enough to agree to stick with you for the rest of my life. Granted, that never happened, but don't doubt my trust in you."

Steve sighs. "I wonder how much easier this would have been if I had gotten my head out of my ass and just married you like I should've."

"It's not worth it to think like that," Natasha says.

"You're right," Steve says, "but this is different. I really need you to trust me, because I trust you. That's the way I want it to be."

"That's a lot to handle." Natasha tilts her head to the side.

"This won't be a game anymore," Steve says, "but whatever the odds are in any situation, I'll still bet on you."

"I still think you're an idiot and you make no sense, either."

Steve shrugs. "Well, as long as you understand that I still love you."

Natasha raises a brow. "You keep saying that to me. Why?"

“You’re happy, right?” Steve asks her, reaching to hold her hand in his, "At the way this will end up?"

“I’d like to think I am,” Natasha says. “You can’t blame me for being unsure.” She doesn't think she'll ever decide whether or not this is fair. Whether or not she's okay with this. However it ends up.

“We have the chance to be happy,” Steve says, assuringly, “I know we're both capable of being so. It’s gonna take us a while to let everything sink in, but I know it. I know it all.”

“Maybe,” Natasha murmurs, “but for how long? How long can this really—”

Steve interrupts her, shaking his head. “Don’t doubt us. Don’t do it anymore.”

Natasha swallows her breath. “This isn’t like before, Steve. I’m not the same person I was before and that makes everything different.” She doesn't think she can continue to lie to him by saying she doesn't want him, but she still wants to hold back.

“I know it’s not like before,” Steve says, “because this time, this will be forever.”

Natasha looks over at him. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know,” Steve says, “but you said you trust me." He leans closer to her so that their faces are only inches apart. "So _trust m_e. I dare you to."

* * *

Epilogue

It's been three months and Natasha still wakes up some mornings with feelings of guilt and disgust in herself. As much as she'd like to call herself the best FBI agent to ever walk the halls of Quantico, she knows that Fury rightfully deserves that title.

He pulls some strings and some favors and gets her a pardon. It requires a lot of meetings and interviews and paperwork, but she's free to go. The Black Widow case is closed and the FBI gives vague answers to the Los Angeles public who are curious about everything.

She's grateful to have been excused and she knows she's lucky to have another shot at life, but the guilt still lives on. She knows that there are so many other people out there who have it much worse than her when they shouldn't. That had led her to rejoining the FBI so that she can do her part to achieve justice for those who deserve it.  It'll never be enough but she wants to do what she can.

She's been working alongside the Los Angeles field office and she's enjoyed spending more time with Thor and Jane. It saddens her to know that they'll be returning to New York in a few days, but she thinks she'll get along fine with Coulson.

As the Black Widow case had been wrapping up, everyone had been surprised at what happened. They couldn't believe that Natasha had been playing them like that. It had been tough to get all of them to warm up to her. During all the paperwork and meetings and interviews, it had been hard for her to try to talk to them and explain herself and apologize.  But by the time they were due to return to New York, things had cooled over and Natasha had been grateful that they were still accepting of her. She's grateful she still has her friends.

Clint, Wanda, and Pietro had been surprised at the way things turned out and they didn't hesitate to thank Steve and Fury for everything they had done for them.

As for Steve, he had returned to New York with the team and she hadn't seen him in two months. They do talk on the phone and text, but they just haven't seen each other in person. Steve's been careful around her by not bringing up the topic of rekindling their relationship, which Natasha is grateful for, because she doesn't think she would want to do that when they're not truly face to face.

But then she walks into the office one day and Coulson smiles when he greets her with a cup of coffee in his hand. She greets him politely and walks into her office. to her surprise, Steve is sitting on the edge of her desk.

"Steve?" Her eyes widen. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to come to see how you are," he responds, "I thought I'd surprise you."

"Quite the surprise," Natasha says, setting her bag down. "It's good to see you."

"You too." Steve smiles and she can't help but grin as widely as he is.

They catch up. They talk about what's going on in their lives. They talk about how things are going in the office. They update each other on everything. It feels nice and it reminds Natasha of old times, but this time, it doesn't make her feel uneasy. It just feels natural. She's laughing as she leans against the wall. He's sitting on the ledge of her desk with that bright look on his face.

“Truth or dare?” Steve asks, stepping towards her.

Natasha pauses before responding, “_Dare_.” She has a mischievous gleam in her eyes. This has become their game

Steve smiles at her. “I dare you to give me one last chance.”

Natasha looks at him, eyes widening. “_Clever_.” She’ll have to give him that.

“What do you say?” Steve asks, reaching out to hold her hand.

Natasha pauses to think about everything that’s happened since Steve had returned to Los Angeles. She thinks about everything that’s gone right and everything that’s gone wrong. She thinks about Wanda and Pietro and Clint and how they’re gonna do.

She doesn’t want to leave Los Angeles. Steve hadn’t asked her to leave, but she knows that he’s not going to stay. New York is home to him. Brooklyn is home.

New York is home to her, too, but she hadn't been sure if she wanted to go back. She had purposely stayed away so that she could start over with her life. Now, she isn’t sure.

“_Just_ the one,” Steve says, pleadingly. “Whatever it takes.”

She doesn’t doubt Steve’s sincerity. She just has to convince herself to let it happen. She knows she wants to, she just has to say it.

So, she _does_.

“One more. Your _last_ one,” Natasha finally answers him, giving his hand a squeeze.

Steve’s lips curl into a grin and he leans down to kiss her. He murmurs against her lips. “Thank you.”

“Truth or dare?” Natasha asks, before capturing his lips with hers.

“_Dare_.”

“I dare you to tell me you love me,” Natasha whispers in between kisses.

Steve chuckles and huskily responds, “You don’t need to dare me to say that. I’ll say it every day, whenever and wherever.”

Natasha’s smile grows wider and Steve kisses her again. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Now, Natasha knows that she and Steve have their shot at forever, wherever it takes them. Maybe they'll end up getting married like they thought they were going to three years ago. Maybe their old dreams will finally come true.

It's not a game to them anymore. She knows he'll always bet on her, whatever the odds are and she knows that she'll do the same for him. 

**Author's Note:**

> again, thank you so much for reading! it means the world to me. i really hope you guys enjoyed it! i'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments and all kudos are appreciated. i love all of the support you guys give!
> 
> twitter: sharonwidows
> 
> have a great week :)  
xx


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